One of my goals for this month is to start reading through and breaking down the new First tests since I haven't done much more than glance at them since they came out. As per usual, our first few run-throughs of any test were rough, and we spent a lot of time working on one movement at a time. Also as per usual, Bobby didn't like that neither one of us was totally concrete in what we were supposed to be doing. And a Bobby does not like being confused.
Me: Hmm. I think I put this quarter sheet on wrong side out.
Bobby: WHAT THE--?! You just zapped my butt, bitch. Stop touching me.
Me: Sorry, dude. I'm just trying to adju--
Bobby: I will sit down. I will literally sit down if you don't stop electrocuting me.
Me: Okay...So here to here across there and go do that there. I think I've got it. Let's go.
Bobby: FUCK YEAH, LET'S GO. IT'S GO TIME, GO TIME, GO TIME.
Me: At what point during that test read through did a gallop departure come up?
Me: And a little half circle here, and keep going to a little half--Mags, for the hundredth time, get the fuck out of the way.
Bobby: I had to adjust to avoid the dog.
Me: I know. It's fine. Keep going.
Bobby: But I didn't do what you were asking.
Me: That's fine. Just move on to the next thing I'm asking you to do.
Me: Oh my fuck, Bobby. But nothing. Nevermind. We'll just start from the beginning. Again.
Me: Trot at X.
Bobby: And then canter right away. Got it.
Me: No, we have to go all the way to C. Try again.
Bobby: So canter at M. Just like that other test. Check.
Me: Bobby. No. Wait until C.
Bobby: WHAT FUCKING TEST IS THIS?! YOU KNOW NOTHING!!
Me: Get off the wall.
Bobby: Yeah, whatever.
Me: Bobby. Stop running me into the fucking wall.
Bobby: Your mom.
Me: GET OFF THE WALL. DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY OUTSIDE LEG MEANS?!
Me: Let's have a little meet and greet with my spur then.
Bobby: Ohhh, get off the wall. Okay.
Me: Wow, look at that halt in the mirror. Such perfection. At least you have one redeeming quality. We can be done now.
Bobby: Whatever. Imma just walk it ou--OH HOLY SHIT THERE IS A HORSE COMING DOWN THE DRIVEWAY AND IT HAS ITS HEAD IN THE AIR AND IT MUST SEE ME AND I SEE IT AND I THINK IT'S SPOOKING AT ME LOOK AT IT LOOK AT IT!!!!!!!
Me: I just...can't even with you some days.