Tuesday, January 6, 2015

New First tests

One of my goals for this month is to start reading through and breaking down the new First tests since I haven't done much more than glance at them since they came out. As per usual, our first few run-throughs of any test were rough, and we spent a lot of time working on one movement at a time. Also as per usual, Bobby didn't like that neither one of us was totally concrete in what we were supposed to be doing. And a Bobby does not like being confused.


Me: Hmm. I think I put this quarter sheet on wrong side out.

Bobby: WHAT THE--?! You just zapped my butt, bitch. Stop touching me.

Me: Sorry, dude. I'm just trying to adju--

Bobby: I will sit down. I will literally sit down if you don't stop electrocuting me.


Me: Okay...So here to here across there and go do that there. I think I've got it. Let's go.

Bobby: FUCK YEAH, LET'S GO. IT'S GO TIME, GO TIME, GO TIME.

Me: At what point during that test read through did a gallop departure come up?


Me: And a little half circle here, and keep going to a little half--Mags, for the hundredth time, get the fuck out of the way.

Bobby: I had to adjust to avoid the dog.

Me: I know. It's fine. Keep going.

Bobby: But I didn't do what you were asking.

Me: That's fine. Just move on to the next thing I'm asking you to do.

Bobby: BUT!!!!

Me: Oh my fuck, Bobby. But nothing. Nevermind. We'll just start from the beginning. Again.


Me: Trot at X.

Bobby: And then canter right away. Got it.

Me: No, we have to go all the way to C. Try again.

Bobby: So canter at M. Just like that other test. Check.

Me: Bobby. No. Wait until C.

Bobby: WHAT FUCKING TEST IS THIS?! YOU KNOW NOTHING!!


Me: Get off the wall.

Bobby: Yeah, whatever.

Me: Bobby. Stop running me into the fucking wall.

Bobby: Your mom.

Me: GET OFF THE WALL. DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY OUTSIDE LEG MEANS?!

Bobby: No.

Me: Let's have a little meet and greet with my spur then.

Bobby: Ohhh, get off the wall. Okay.


Me: Wow, look at that halt in the mirror. Such perfection. At least you have one redeeming quality. We can be done now.

Bobby: Whatever. Imma just walk it ou--OH HOLY SHIT THERE IS A HORSE COMING DOWN THE DRIVEWAY AND IT HAS ITS HEAD IN THE AIR AND IT MUST SEE ME AND I SEE IT AND I THINK IT'S SPOOKING AT ME LOOK AT IT LOOK AT IT!!!!!!!

Me: I just...can't even with you some days.

21 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh yes. This is the best

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  2. "I will sit down. I will literally sit down if you stop electrocuting me." My favorite quote, perhaps ever. Mollie the ground tying wonder will literally run across state lines after being zapped by anything.

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  3. X halt, Proceed working canter. Yeah. That's a thing Bobby. Totally. ;)

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    1. I MEAN once you get to FEI levels there's canter in there... So... he's just practicing for his PSG debut.

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  4. This is perfection and all of the reasons I love you and Bobby. Hahahaha. Good luck learning those new tests... I haven't even read through the new Training tests yet!

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  5. At the very least he keeps it interesting!

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  6. Bahaha this is exactly how I imagine my conversations with Fiction going. Except Fiction is probably a bit less sassy and more whiny. Like a 5 year old child.

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  7. I am so happy the tear drop movements came back in First 1, so I may have to try and squeeze that into my schedule. Love your recap of your first run-through :)

    Side note, I also got run into the wall last night. You would think the noise of my boots literally being pulled along a wood wall would be enough to send the message, but nope- that's the track he wanted to take!

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  8. HAHA love the last comment about the horse coming down the drive. Totally see it happening to my mare too!

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  9. lol love it. my horse has literally never forgiven me for zapping her with a cooler. they are delicate, fragile creatures, these horsies....

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  10. your posts always kill me. Love it

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  11. Hahahahha I wish i could narrate a conversation like you hahahha

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  12. Laughing so hard right now I can't even....I adore your convos with Bobby, you guys are legends of the highest order

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  13. Ahaha this is so amazing ! I would love to make attempts at riding a dressage test designed by Bobby.

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  14. You and Bobby keep a dressage ride recap so much more interesting than I would have thought possible. Love it!

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  15. Love it! Your Bobby-speak just made my day.

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  16. "I will sit down." had me laughing out loud in an unusually quiet moment at the office. ::opens email quickly, pretends to work::

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If you can't say anything nice, fuck off.