Thursday, April 17, 2014

Word vomit

The time has come.

The time to return to regular blog posts about regular riding things, that is. Thank the deity of your choice, am I right?

Of course I'm right.

So what sorts of toodlie doodlie things have RuPaul and I been up to?

On Sunday I hooked him to the cart and drove him around the outdoor. He did not give one fuck until he got tired and then he decided the power steering was broken. I can't blame him there. That cart is heavy, and our footing is super deep. It's not the best combination for driving. But the fact that Bobby hadn't seen the cart, been hitched, or driven since August of last year, and yet he walked right off with my butt plopped down in the cart with no sight of a "I'm going to lay down, right here on the ground, until you come to your senses" tantrum was pretty bad ass.

i have no driving pictures this time around
because i made hubby stay connected for our first outing. 

On Monday, I dug out a dressage saddle from the deep, dark pits of the carriage house (that houses, you may be surprised to read, the carts and harnesses as well winter blankets and all the random pony things you expect to find in a large barn) and had a flat ride. Hot damn have I forgotten the joys of riding in one of those babies. My legs hung low, my shoulders stayed back, and I wasn't tipping forward.

However, it was not the most coordinated of rides. I tried to make my stirrups relatively long in my jump saddle while flatting, but there's really no comparison to long dressage stirrups. I felt a little wobbly at first and Bobby was not impressed with this at all. I was getting super frustrated with him, and he was getting super pissed at me so we had a little time out and just stood there. For ten minutes. Doing nothing.

After calming down, I did some pressure and release at the halt and praised him profusely. He was like, "Well, duh. Just tell me what the fuck you want me to do instead of bouncing around and pulling and we'll get along just fine." Okay, Bobby. Because you're always such a pleasant cow to work with. Way to try to play the "Woe is me" card, bro. But we got ourselves sorted out and finished on a good note.

i have no dressage pictures either.
here's bobby sleeping on the job instead.

Tuesday he had off to use all his mental powers to deal with the fifty degree temperature drop. Oh, that's right. It was seventy when Hubby left for work that morning and got all the way down to twenty three overnight. Bogus, weather. You are officially broken. Fortunately, the snow was gone by noon the next day and Bobby dealt with it fine.

Wednesday was another dressage ride in the dressage saddle. I felt a lot more secure this time around and Bobby was stellar. He even did a leg yield both ways, both to the rail and off the rail without a single temper tantrum. YAY!!! I love dressage saddles. They are the best for dressaging. Now to get my legs to stay in place more and my sitting trot to last more than thirty seconds...this whole correct body position thing is the pits.

"bobby! how enthused are you to jump?!"
"super enthused."

Which brings us to today. It was past time for a jump school. (Actually, I think the last time I wrote an actual riding post I was going to do a jump school. I didn't. It rained. Then I tried the next day, jumped a few 3'3" fences, felt unmotivated, and went for a short trail ride. Stimulating stuff, I tell you.) I set everything up at 2'6"--I even measured because everything looked really small. I did a course I found saved on my computer marked "GM". I assume it's a course from a George Morris clinic I read about forever ago. Who knows.

i would give credit, but i don't remember where it came from.

Due to lack of standards and a liverpool, I cheated a bit. The liverpool was only a blue vertical with cones for fill, and the single oxer (#4) was also just a vertical. For the wall I used the gate and built it out like one of you hunter's cheating verticals where there's actually like 3' of ground line in front of the jump.

I warmed up with a lot of canter, playing around with collecting and extending his stride. After a couple of warm up fences where he was jumping flat, I brought him back and made him trot in. That got his back cracking and we were ready for the course.

(Hang in there, dudettes. This shit is almost over.)

I brought him outside of the ring to stand for a minute before heading back in for a trot circle and picking up the canter by our imaginary judge. The first course was meh. I had him gunned up a little too much, but it wasn't too bad. I tried for the tight right turn at three, but there wasn't enough room there for it. Bobby hopped a couple of steps and propped which led to a very unfortunate meeting between my crotch and pommel.

Back outside the gate to try again. I will give him credit for standing very patiently outside the ring. Usually immobility when staring down jumps is not one of Bobby's specialties. The second course was a lot quieter and a lot smoother. I went left instead of right after three and came around to four off the short side. I quit there.

And thus ends the most rambling post ever.


Kind of, but not really.


  1. I always enjoy your blog. I love how you poke fun at yourself, yet it is obvious to readers you are in reality a bad ass. :)

  2. I'm a new follower but I love your writing style. I totally agree with Karen's sentiments. Rock on, Bobby!

  3. I like how you took him outside to stand for a minute. I'm gonna try that.
    And yes, dressage saddles rock.

  4. He seriously has the most *meh* expressions ever!

  5. I. LOVE. your. blog.


  6. I have to say, I would've loved to see Dressage pictures BUT his droopy face is even better :)

  7. I think it's awesome that you drive him!


If you can't say anything nice, fuck off.