Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Overdue

For landing on my ass, that is.

My large white friend:

"OH GOD THERE'S WATER DRIPPING OFF THE ROOF DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE"

Nearly got the better of me this morning. He'd managed to get himself a long weekend with a loose front shoe I didn't wan't to risk him tearing off until Farrier could come out to do him. Combine that with rapidly plummeting temps and his already coked out tweaker brain, he came out of his stall looking for anything to lose his shit over.

"OH GOD IT'S COMING FOR ME ISN'T IT"

I made a smart life choice and stuck him on the longe first. He's usually a lazy plug to longe, but the second I stepped away from him he blasted off into a power trot and kept himself going. Perfect, I thought. He's such a fatty still that he'll be tired and reasonable by the time I get on.

Yeah, he wasn't. He was still feeling super fresh when I swung aboard and I immediately went to work keeping his spinning wheels focused. Poles, lateral work, lots of smaller circles, and changes of directions finally got him to the point where he started to come back down to earth. He remained steady at the trot and was actually being super with the pole exercises I had set up all around the ring.

Then we passed one end of the ring that we'd already passed a hundred times, and he pulled his classic teleportation at a high rate of speed spook move while I was mid-post. My ass was literally hovering over air while I stood upright in my right stirrup. My left leg was like a vice against the left side of the saddle, refusing to complete the unplanned dismount. Fortunately at that point, his fat self was like, "Wait, whut?" and he'd slowed to a walk. I grabbed a handful of mane and plunked my ass back into the center of the saddle and booted him right back over to where we'd left.

nothing but drunk gold fish between those pony-sized ears

I haven't fallen off in well over a year, but between Shooter and Pongo it's bound to happen sooner rather than later. Do your no stirrup homework, kids. It gives you thighs of steel that turn into excellent ass-saving devices.

What about you? When was the last time you had an involuntary dismount?

18 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. LOL! Extra points for clever title!

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  2. Ha! I totally had one of those moments the other day. I was schooling dressage bareback in one of the fields near the barn (nearish?) when a gun went off pretty darn close. I jumped. The horse jumped. He reared. I found myself hugging his neck.

    It was all very exciting.

    Note to self: ride in a saddle when you ride out of the ring

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  3. Oooh, good save!

    I think the last time I bit the dirt was Echo... so 3 years? Now I've probably jinxed it. Thaaaaaanks.

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  4. Drunk gold fish! LOL! I popped off a couple times schooling XC over the summer, that's the most recent splat I can remember!

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  5. ugh jealous. i basically never pull out the save. hit the dirt so many times this summer i almost stopped counting. almost. that one i got on film tho.... with that pony krimpet? gloooorious haha

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  6. "nothing but gold fish between those pony sized ears" - I snorted soda through my nose!

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  7. Awesome save!

    I haven't bit the dust in a while... 4 years maybe? I can't remember. Not jumping has helped... but I am so overdue.

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  8. The last time I came off was in a clinic, right after the clinician asked me if I wanted to set my air vest off (basically saying stop pulling on your horse in front of the fence you moron, in polite clinic-speak). I proceeded to pull to a Prelim table and had my first experience setting off my vest....

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  9. Ah yes, biting the dust. That would be Mia and her dang ditches. Saves? I got them in scores. No stirrup work for the win!

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  10. I fear you may have jinxed yourself with this post.

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  11. I usually come off once a year but it hasn't happened yet for 2016.... #apprehensive

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  12. Love your description of the event - hysterical! Glad you didn't come off. I think I need to ride more often without stirrups.

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  13. Last time I fell off was this summer. Riding bareback on a horse that gets bit by a horse fly doesn't always end well.

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  14. I'm way overdue and practically tried to fall off at the show last week. But thank god for fatty horses who don't move quite as fast eh?

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  15. 2013, when I broke my butt two months before my wedding! Bare back+ tiny buck+hard ground. Thing I realized is one bright side of not riding right now (pregnant) is you don't fall off horses :P

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  16. My bratty little baby horse bucked me off a few weeks ago. Totally didn't see it coming and should have stayed on. Half my bad. Half his. Prior to that, the last time was over a year ago when Ducky threw me to the wasps. Jerk.

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  17. *stares longingly at foot in aircast*

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If you can't say anything nice, fuck off.