Step 2: When you do finally get back on, make sure it's no more than two days before show day. Don't usually ride the day before a show? Even better! Change that tried and true method this time around.
Step 3: You have a new dressage test to learn! Have you seen it before? ....Hello? Have you? Okay, good. It would be deviating from your excellent preparation skills if you have. Better run through that once. Your horse is being a colossal asshole? On to the next step.
Step 4: This is a w/t/c test. Your horse hasn't been ridden for at least a week. When he thinks he's a racehorse, get into a fight with him. This w/t/c test is starting to look a lot like a circus performance. Check that off the list; dressage practice done!
Step 5: You're about to jump around a 3' course. Surely you'd better let your horse at least look at a cross rail so he knows that poles are used for more than just the boundary line of a dressage ring.
Step 6: First cross country course in a year? First time you've even left the start box in a year? Does your horse even know what a real cross country jump is anymore? Eh, don't worry about it. Just wing it. It's only Novice after all. Stop. Stop that hysterical laughter. You're freaking me out.
|after all, you're riding a champion event horse here.|
look at the face. that's the face of a winner.
|ignore the fact that his brakes rarely work.|
Step 7: Clean tack; clean trailer; retrieve water bucket from across the yard where you flung it upon discovering those things you thought were seedlings were actually freshly hatched spiders (FUCK); clean horse again; and even though the horse is sound, pack his feet with magical paste of goodness one last time.
Step 8: The horse doesn't get his feel good candy three days out from a show. But someone has to use those expensive pills. Don't let them go to waste! See? Now you'll sleep like a baby instead of wondering if this is really the best way to go about showing. Have fun and don't die!