Tuesday, October 3, 2017

And that was that

As scheduled, the vet was out yesterday afternoon to get another set of eyes on Bobby and take some new images of the cursed RF.

if you just, you know, removed the upper half
it looks pretty okay on the outside.

Bobby seemed to be holding up well with his new diet and restricted turnout to the indoor. Everyone kept telling me how he was prancing around the ring looking happy and cheerful. In his stall his attitude has been bright and perky, and he hasn't made any fuss about his new schedule.

"HAI I NEED EXTRA COOKIES PLZ."

Bobby's usual vet is out of town all week, but I liked our substitute vet a lot. She was perfunctory and didn't get caught up oohing and ahhing over his leg when clearly his foot was the disaster area. She got the facts, gave me the facts, and that was that. She had me take him to the indoor to walk him out and trot him back, both of which he did with zero hesitation despite being severely crippled.

I told her he'd never had to be tranqed to get rads before and she put the syringe away without argument. He was a little difficult to get pictures of because he was so uncomfortable standing on the blocks, but we made it work and got what we needed. Really, after the first shot, there wasn't much of a need to take anything else.

I know absolutely nothing about reading x-rays or what the inside of a horse is supposed to look like, but even I could see as soon as the image popped up we were fucked. Positively, no returns fucked. Where we were hoping for maybe an abscess track or mild rotation, instead his coffin bone had dropped and was about 2mm from blowing through the bottom of his sole.

You can't un-drop a coffin bone. Best case scenario was he grew a massive amount of sole in a short amount of time and we could figure out shoeing to keep him pasture sound. But realistically Bobby has always had bad feet, and he obviously wasn't about to grow a new one out of thin air.

The vet's best guess was that it wasn't diet related at all, but that it all came back full circle to the fucking sarcoidosis. She felt that whatever hot mess mystery was going on in the coronary band had damaged the connective tissue to the coffin bone causing the rapid sinking.

You can't cure sarcoidosis. You can't regrow the inside of a broken foot. As vet handed over a bottle of Bute and gave Bobby's giant lug head a hug, she told me I had maybe two weeks before the coffin bone was probably going to come through. "I've never had a horse where I wanted to do a leg transplant so badly."

"does leg transplant mean moar cookies?"

The RF was burning up this morning and we're on high alert for signs the LF wants to go, too. After a sleepless night, the appointment is set for late Monday morning. I hope that's not pushing it too far out, but so far the Bute, ice, and his pad have kept him pretty stable.

Bobby outwardly seems no worse for wear. He's so happy and in your face that it's made this decision hard, but at the same time I'm glad I get to let him go while he still thinks life is great and nothing matters more than where his next snuggle and snack comes from.

79 comments:

  1. Carly I am so sad to hear this. Hugs to you for making this decision and keeping Bobby's best interest at heart and letting him know he is loved. Prayers for you and he in the coming week, and after.

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  2. Awww, this made me cry. I HATE this for you. You're 100000% making the absolute right decision. Sarcoidosis the absolute devil. Sending hugs upon hugs upon hugs your way.

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  3. I'm so sorry. I lost mine to colic after founder. It's so hard to let one go even though you know it is the right decision for them. M

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  4. Not the news any of us wanted to read, but you are the most excellent horse owner. Thinking of you and Bobby in this exceptionally difficult time.

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  5. I am so sorry Carly. All you can do is make sure this week is filled with love and a metric shit ton of cookies.

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  6. Oh Carly, I'm so sorry. Sometimes the right decision is the hardest decision to make. You'll be in my thoughts (and probably tears!) on Monday.

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  7. No. No no no no no no no no no. Long time lurker here, but this is enough to bring me out of my silence. I have always loved your stories, your amazing attitude towards whatever is thrown at you, and the awesome connection between you and the wonderfully wacky Bobby. I feel like I know you both - which is a bit weird, yes, but still. This just seems so terribly unfair... my heart is breaking for you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, and for being strong enough to make the tough but right decision. My thoughts are with you.

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  8. I’m so sorry Carly. Thinking of you.

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  9. I'm so sorry. I wish there was comfort in knowing you've exhausted absolutely every avenue and you're doing the right thing. </3

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  10. Hugs to you and Bobby. There are no words that can take away the heartache but know you have many supporters and Bobby fans that are there for you. Enjoy this week with Bobby, the good moments will last forever.

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending hugs.

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  12. I am so sorry. You are the best Bobby mom ever.

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  13. So sorry. I know there are no words that can truly comfort in a time like this but know we all love you and Bobby.

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  14. Not enough words to convey how sorry I am... it's the hardest decision ever.. :(

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  15. God dammit, Carly. My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry.

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  16. Lots of love to you and B. I'm so sorry.

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  17. oh God Carly, I'm so sorry... sending so much love your way.

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  18. Ugh, I am so so sorry to read this :( This is absolutely heartbreaking. We love you guys.

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  19. I'm so sorry Carly. Bobby is my favorite internet moose-horse and my heart is breaking for you.

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  20. I'm so sorry. I kept thinking he would skirt this with his magical moose powers, and I'm hurting for you. Bobby is one of a kind, and he is so lucky to have you.

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  21. There is a certain gift in being able to do it on your timingvs emergency situation. That said, it still sucks majorly. I have nothing but sympathy and was holing out for a miracle. Damn it.

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  22. Oh fuck. I am so sorry to hear this. Hugs and wine.

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  23. Oh Carly, I am so sorry. You have gone above and beyond what a majority of people would have even from the beginning ♡ Sending our love both me and B. If you ever find yourself in RI, shoot me a message! ♡♡♡

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  24. Well fuck it all. It's both a blessing and a curse to have the time to make such decisions. Hug him and stuff him full of treats for me.

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  25. Heart is breaking. So sorry, and will be thinking of you guys.

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  26. I'm so sorry Carly. My heart hurts for you and Bobby. Hugs to you both.

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  27. I'm so sorry. Seriously, you're the best horse mom I've ever come across. You've done everything right for Bobby, especially now, at the worst time. Hugs to you </3

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  28. Dang, I am so sorry. Glad you can spoil Bobby. Hugs from me and my herd.

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  29. Ugh I know this feel and I hate this feel so much. I am so sorry. Looking at an xray not being an expert and knowing things are wrong with that pit growing ever larger in the stomach, that sucks. Hugs. I'm glad there was resolution, resolution regardless of how shitty seems to fight back that anxiety caused by the unknown. Having vets go heart to heart with you about options and right things and what not does wonders.

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    1. Exactly what L said. I'm so sorry. I've been there. It's awful. You're doing the right thing while he's still happy vs waiting for it to become an emergency situation. Big hugs. He's got some sweet buddies to raise a ruckus with over the rainbow bridge. Carlos and Pongo will be there to help him cross.

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  30. My heart is broken for you. Thank you for being his person. He was lucky to have you.

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  31. I'm so sorry Carly. You did a great job caring for him during all this illness crap and he loves you with all his horsie heart. It is a hard decision to make but you've made it out of love because you care about him so much. We are all here for you if you need it. Internet hugs.

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  32. My heart is broken, and I knew the minute I saw the title. :-( You are one of the most conscientious horse owners I know and Bobby has been so lucky to have you as his person. You are doing the right thing, letting him go before things go south quickly or for him to suffer or be in pain. I am so sorry. <3

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  33. Fuck.

    <3 Sending you so much love. You and the Bobby monster <3

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  34. ugh! I'm so sorry! My heart hurts for you and Bobby.

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  35. Of all the terrible news in the world lately, this hits the closest to home for me (am I allowed to say that?). You truly have exhausted every option, and I'm glad he is able to go while he is still Bobby.

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  36. I am so, so sorry, Carly. You have been such an amazing Mom to Bobby, and my heart breaks for you. You're so, so brave to share this with us, and so brave to let him go in peace and before the pain starts eating away at his wonderful personality.

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  37. Oh. Oh :( Hugs to you, Bobby, and all of yours.

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  38. Lots of virtual hugs. Life is hard, but luckily it's sprinkled with warm, fuzzy friends to love. <3

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  39. Grieving for you, and in awe of the love and care you have provided your lovely Bobby.

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  40. This kills me. Give the big guy a hug for me. :(

    Fuck cancer.

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  41. I am so sorry Carly. You've been awesome throughout this all and I am so sorry this is the result.

    Hugs. And yeah, 100% fuck-you cancer.

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  42. Well, dammit all. I have been reading from the beginning of your story with Bobby (before he left and came back to you) and I never could have anticipated this ending. You stuck with him through the "I CANT EVEN HORSE" moments and transformed him into a do-all-the-things 2nd level/costume model/gymkhana-sweeping/trail-loving jumping machine. I always wondered what would happen if Bobby from Texas ($900 FB) met Bobby from New York. Probably best we'll never find out.

    I have never met you, don't have a blog, but my heart is hurting for you today. Give that pony all the treats he can handle, dress him up in one more costume (I would buy a 12 months of Bobby calendar) and take as many ears up photos as you can get. Live in the moment as best you can while you still have him with you. The internet will mourn with you after that.

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  43. Carly, I am sitting here in tears for a horse and person that i have never met. But I am feeling such utter sadness for you. You have been an amazing owner/servant for Bobby and your strength in dealing with this has been inspirational. I know that you are and will be broken hearted. I will not tell you that time will heal you because it won't. But your life is richer for having had Bobby and his memory will make you smile and cry for a long time. Probably forever. He is a wonderful horse that has brought joy to many of us and we will all miss him. I wish I was there to give you support and a hug when it's time. Like you would want a perfect stranger there! We will be thinking of you and him.

    Sending you all the love and support I can. Teresa

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  44. I am so, so sorry. There's really nothing more to say. I'm sorry for both of you. This sucks and isn't fair. But you're doing the right thing.

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  45. I really wish I could be there for you in person, as I've been following your story with Bobby for many, many years now and I almost feel like I know both of you far more intimately than I know some of my closest friends. I'm sorry it has come to this, but you have been the most amazing owner for Bobby and he sure is lucky to have you.

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    1. I feel like this too, I've been following along for so many years I feel like I know the both of you. In tears, but thank goodness Bobby has the very best owner ever.

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  46. My heart is breaking for you you :( you're in my thoughts

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  47. My heart hurts for you having to make this choice, even if it is the best one. So many virtual hugs to you guys this week!

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  48. I am so, so sorry. I love your blog, instagram and relationship with Bobby. Was hoping for a better update obviously, but you are doing the right thing as hard as that is. Huge huge hugs.

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  49. Sincerely sorry, truly. I hope he eats a mountain of cookies & revels in your hugs.

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  50. I'm not sure where you get your strength. I have no words for this heartbreak. Wishing a peaceful journey to Bobby and comfort for you, knowing you did above and beyond and gave him a compassionate ending. Ugh.

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  51. Dang, I am so sorry. Glad you can spoil Bobby. Hugs from me and my herd.

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  52. Well damn, I kept hoping some crazy miracle would happen because seriously Bobby is an awesome horse with an awesome owner. Im so sorry, he has had amazing life because of you and your ability to work with him. He has touched so many lives, thank you for sharing him with us all.

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  53. I am so sorry. It's the worst decision to have to make even when it's the last good thing we can do for them, and nothing anyone says makes it better.

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  54. I am just gutted for you. Like so many others, I feel like I've been reading about you and Bobby for so long, it's almost like knowing you and that makes it hurt a little deeper. I wish for you guys low pain, double fists of full-sugar cookies, and some time together in the afternoon sun this week.

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  55. So sorry from another lurker who has followed your adventures for ages. Best wishes to you and yours. Letting them go is so fucking hard and I thank you for sharing him (and you!) with all of us. ~ Dani

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  56. I am so sorry Carly. I can't imagine having to go through this but I'm so glad that you're there to make the decision for him.

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  57. Ah, this hurts so much to read. I'm crying. Wish it could be anything but this. I am so sorry Carly.

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  58. So many hugs for you and the Magikal Moose. Take comfort in knowing you did absolutely everything possible for him. I know it doesn’t help much, but you’ve been the most amazing caretaker of this glorious creature. He’s been blessed to have you.

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  59. I know it's not much, but I am terribly sorry it came to this. Guess I was hoping he'd pull through in some odd fashion. Bobby is such a cool pony & he's taught you so much. Both of you are in my thoughts. 💔

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  60. My heart is breaking for you. So so sorry.

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  61. I'm so very sorry for you and Bobby. You've done exceptional by him over the years and I love reading about your adventures. Thinking of both of you and heart sick for you.

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  62. My heart breaks for you. I wish there was something any of us could do for you. But I admire and applaud your decision to let him go while he still thinks life is GREAT. My thoughts, and prayers, and a whole lot of hugs go out to you and Bobby.

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  63. I am so so sorry that you had to make this decision. You have given this horse so much, as he has given you. I hope you can take solace in knowing that you gave Bobby the most incredible life full of laughter, love, and, of course, treats.

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  64. Oh dear God...my heart aches for you Carly. I rarely comment but I've been rooting for you two so hard, hoping that somehow Bobby would overcome this. You have been an amazing mom to him, sticking with him through thick and thin and turning him into this amazing all-arounder that can do just about anything. You two have been an inspiration for the longest time, and continue to be. This is the toughest decision we get to make as animal owners and it's even harder to choose to let them go while they are still happy despite a condition that will slowly and painfully result in their death. I admire you for being able to make that decision at this time. It takes guts. Sending you much love and hugs.

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  65. Just catching up.... I don't know what to say other than I am so incredibly sorry. You have done amazingly for this horse. Please give him (and yourself) a big hug and extra cookies from Maggie and I. Fuck laminitis (and sarcoidosis)

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  66. I've been behind and meaning to catch up on you and Bobby for at least a month. I am so, so sorry to catch up to this. It is incredible that you are letting him go while he is still the Bobby you know and love. What a difficult decision that must have been, but you have ALWAYS had Bobby's well being #1. I'm sorry you guys had to go through all this shit. I'm sorry it didn't turn out better. Bobby is true Bobby until the end.
    Big hugs, dog kisses, and horse slime.

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  67. I'm so sorry. Long time lurker here and I have greatly enjoyed reading about the adventures of you and Bobby. I know what a gut wrenching decision this is and I had sincerely hoped that it would't come to this so soon. Get in all the snuggles you can and again, I'm so sorry.

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  68. Thinking of you guys always. Sending all of my love and then some xoxoxoxo

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If you can't say anything nice, fuck off.