Not in my house

Okay, I lied when I said I wasn't going to go to the barn on Monday. I wasn't going to, but then I decided to ride Spyder, butt muscle be damned. Apparently this was a totally agreeable arrangement with my tender tush, and while remedial things like walking make me wince, riding is fine. I still don't know how I managed to hurt my ass. I mean, it's large and cushioned--how do you pull something back there?

But enough about my butt.

i like big butts, and i cannot lie.

I took Spyder up to the outdoor despite the gusting winds, lack of company (although I gave BM a head's up we were going to be out there by ourselves, so if we weren't back in an hour she should come check on us), and arriving at the exact time he was supposed to get turned out with his amigos. He was a total gem! He stood quietly at the mounting block and plodded along on the buckle while I tightened my girth and dropped my stirrups a couple of holes.

He was easier to get forward at the trot in the larger space of the outdoor, and he maintained a much steadier rhythm. Cantering was still...mehhh. He grunts like a fat, horny trucker when forced to actually work which just makes me laugh at him and kick him on. He's still unbalanced and wants to careen about, but he started going on a normal looking track by the end with a lot of opening outside rein and insistent inside leg.

I decided to pop him over an X to finish to do something a little fun. I don't think he's been in the outdoor since the last time I rode him up there in...June? He only gets ridden once a week (on Tuesdays, so he didn't get worked by me today), and I'm pretty sure the girl that rides him hasn't jumped him since BO went in for her surgery nearly two months ago. Regardless, he's a very level headed jumper, and he has absolutely drool-worthy form.

I turned him in towards the jump at a trot and he immediately started a leg-flailing, crow-hopping, head-tossing canter. Oh, really? It's going to be like that?

I sat him right down on his ass and asked him to walk over the 2' crossrail. He was fine with that, so we quickly ran through the Baby Jumping Horse exercise. Walk the jump until it's boring. Trot the jump until it's boring. Canter the jump until it's boring. Once he settled into the trot, I let him keep the canter on landing and he remembered that he's a perfectly capable Baby Jumping Horse and cantered like a gentleman over it several times. Good pony.

"durh? cookies?"

Today was a flat day for Robert. I started off with the dressage whip because he's been very sneaky lately about cheating on his leg yields. He wants to bend his neck too much to the inside and when I try to open my outside rein, he dives off in that direction, but abandoning his hind end along the way. It took literally one tap on his hip and he was like, "OK, OK! I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! JUST DON'T BEAT ME!" This whip nonsense is still totally uncalled for, but it has gotten better from last year where the only movement I could get out of him when holding a whip was flying backwards or spinning around like a reining horse.

He warmed up fine, but once our warm up routine was finished, where he usually settles right into work, today he was being fidgety with his head and not softening at all. I finally put the whip away since I wasn't using it anymore and it was just getting flipped back and forth from one hand to the other. Once it was gone, he dropped his head right down and marched off ready to work. Oh, Robert. You bring so much drama upon yourself.

I had a couple of things I wanted to work on, but I picked up our second canter and decided it needed to be fixed before moving on to anything else. To the right, he wanted to get quick and runreallyfast. Unable to simply yank his face off with a bit--which makes him pull right back and happily dump himself into my hands--I actually had to use my broken cheeks (yes, those cheeks), and my legs, and my poor core and half halt him every other stride.

It was awful.

Awfully awesome!

Take out the extreme huffing and puffing and grunting and groaning that would have made Spyder proud, I actually did a little....dare I say real dressage riding? Oh, you thought that was referring to Bobby? No, he was fine. He responded to every half halt, and responded to every stride I didn't ask for one by jetting right back off again. I finally got him settled and went back to the walk to catch my breath. Gosh, why is real riding so hard?!

we don't need no bit for foamy lips.

To the left, I was expecting to deal with the same thing with the added bonus of a dropped inside shoulder. Fortunately, the left was a much easier fix. He wasn't as keen to hand gallop, but he was happy to oblige my expectations of falling to the inside. I have no one to blame but myself for this one. He's always been so fucking stiff bending left that I used to over-bend his neck just to get it moving. Now he thinks that's the way to go and he won't hold himself up. It was an easy fix by asking for some counter flexion and making sure he was super straight in his body.

So not a whole lot of exciting going on, but good remedial work that's going to fill in the holes that are showing up without the mask of mutual pulling on the bit.

that ridiculous mane got pulled after our ride.

We finished with two trips up the hill for a total of thirty minutes of walking hill work. Gotta keep the booty in shape.

I know my last few posts half been ungodly long and boring, but I promise I'll bring you something better tomorrow!

And a one, and a two

I will try to keep the continuation of yesterday's rambling saga shorter, especially since it will also include today's rambling saga! Yay, rambling sagas! And boo, no good pictures.

Horse One: Spyder

extremely difficult to snap a picture of due to an addiction to peppermints.

BO asked me yesterday to start riding Spyder. Again. She asks me periodically, I start riding him, he starts getting ridden by other people mostly-regularly, I stop riding him, and then everyone stops riding him. I'm not sure why that cycle repeats for every horse BO asks me to work, but it's idiot proof. Always fucking happens, so don't expect too many continuous Spyder updates.

Yesterday I just did a lot of trotting with him since he likes to alternate between being a slug (his fave) and being a racehorse. He responds beautifully to half halts which is nice since he's a little fussy with his bit, but once I half halt to slow him down from jetting around, he reverts to sluggishness. So I put my leg back on and he shoots away. I finally got one full lap of consistent forward without being a brat and called it quits.

Today, he was more consistent all around. He really just needs to be worked every day so he knows what the fuck is expected of him, and he'll be a solid citizen. We did a good bit of cantering which is usually his downfall since he enjoys ducking his shoulder, or scooting across the arena sideways, or spooking at himself in the mirror. However, he was about as gentlemanly as he gets today and I got to enjoy his giant, lofty, jumpy canter without snatching for my neck strap a single time. Coming back down to the trot was...a process, but we'll work on it.

Horse Two: Sir Robert

split second ears forward picture! it can happen!

Robert got a jump school today--I'm not counting yesterday as a "schooling" for anything. It was a fuck off day. He was a BOSS. Maybe not a boss for people with well trained, quiet, forgiving, "I love you!" horses, but a boss for him.

Here was our mini course I set up:

it can't be helped how good i am at paint.

The blue barrel was laid flat on its side all by its lonesome with no wings or standards. I started him off over that at the trot. He happily popped over it without even considering ducking out. Once more at the trot, picking up the canter one stride out, and then again at the canter. No problems whatsoever. Time to go school skinnies! Because jumping a 2' barrel is totally the same thing!

Shut up. I was excited.

Warmed up with a few fences singly before stringing a couple together and finally running through the above course twice. We got one chip the entire ride. ONE, people. That is a fucking new record for us. The jumps still aren't big, but I like that my tiny brain was able to run through a course without frying itself. Go, brain!

No barn tomorrow. I may have torn an ass muscle. Not sure how that happened.

Also, got check out the contest at Equinpilot!

Wi-iiiild horses

I have found it.

The magic magic-ness that makes Bobby happy to flat around in circles.

In his hackamore and running martingale, we do a very exact warm up:

Walk on a loose rein with lots of changes of direction. Forward trot on a loose rein with lots of changes of direction, occasionally asking to actively stretch down instead of just stretch out. Walk on a loose rein. Canter in half seat three twenty meter circles, one full lap of the arena, and then a simple change of direction if going from left to right or a flying change if going right to left. Repeat canter figures in opposite direction. Back to walk, now working on connection and roundness. Introduce a little lateral work. Begin any and all badassery because now he's like buttah.

Magic.

We finish our flat sessions by walking up the hill that borders the two front paddocks. It's a long hill with a good grade that really works the booty, and there's absolutely no gravel. It takes us about ten minutes to go up and back. Next week we'll start doing it twice in a row.

and we get to visit ponies!

and play bobby's favorite game: "bite my face!"

I had a fun time yesterday flatting around the indoor with K1 and her OTTB mare who also recently went barefoot, and then hacking up the hill with them afterwards. Her mare and Bobby are serious twinsies. Giant, bay, and really awkward looking with their size XL ears. They're also both totes chill and happily marched up the hill together on the buckle. Bobby was in love because Bobby loves the ladies.

Today I made my way over to the barn early without any serious game plan. I groomed Bobby and volunteered to longe Adorable Pony for his lesson kid. ZOMG, AP I need you. He's probably not going to stick around for much longer though. He's only three (or four?), still pretty green, and barely makes medium height so he's not very versatile for a lesson program like our barn.

dawwwwww.

Then I stuck around to watch the lesson which K2 rode Pilot in. I could go into an entire post about that situation--and go on and on and on--but let's keep barn drama in the barn where it belongs, right? Let's just say I'm really glad I stepped in and told her I'd clock her upside the head if she changed his bit to something bigger than the french link I set him up in, and I'm really glad BO is back to teaching lessons and was able to tactfully make the corrections I wanted to yell at her. Urgh.

An hour after I got there, Sarah pulled in and the lesson was almost over, so I went to finally get on my own horse. Sarah suggested the cross country field so we went up there and puttered around before going over the cherry log a few times. Bobby was a nutter. He left out an entire stride the first two times to launch himself over. I finally wrangled him back to a normal canter and got the correct distance, but that made him sassy, and he did a little crow hop and neck snake to show his displeasure.

We weren't up there for very long--but managed to do a few more jumps--and decided to end with a run up the hill. Sarah originally declined, but when do we ever do bad ideas on our own?

Then she was all, "I'm not going to let him run all out" (because he was being a nutter as well, as Blackberry is prone to be when faced with wide open spaces), but really? B was going to go when I let Bobby loose whether she liked it or not.

She had to stay right next to us since the far side of the hill was sloppy from not getting any sun to dry out the ground, and the ponies went flying. The sad part is, B had a little bit of a head start (being a Quarter Horse, he gets the jump easier than my gargantuan "I don't know where my legs are!" Thoroughbred), and while Bobby caught up to him, I smacked him twice on his shoulder causing him to accelerate both times, and he still lost by a head to a 22yo. Really, Bobby. It's no wonder you never broke your maiden.

Both boys were quite full of themselves afterwards, and it took me the full length of the top of the field to get Bobby pulled up to a canter. Yeah, forget the walk. He was in his hackamore and  I obviously didn't want to pull on him, so I was left with my feet on the dash and pulling on his neck strap. I guess it was nice of him to respond to those things alone.

This post could keep going for another ten paragraphs, but I'll refrain. It's a fucking rambling novel as it is. I even rode another horse after all that, but I'll write another novel tomorrow. Maybe with better pictures?

The (best) Horse Hubby

Hawk at Forging Fiction is running one of the coolest and most thoughtful contests out there. Instead of giving away horse products with an entry being why you love said horse products (not that I'm against such things, of course), she's making the entrants say what they're most thankful for.

What am I most thankful for?

The photographer that comes to the barn whenever asked, no matter the weather, and takes epic pictures.

why, yes. i did fall off one stride later.

oh, hey. there's me falling off again.

The chauffeur that gets up at 3am on a Sunday morning in the spring after working from 5am to 9pm six days straight to drive me to a horse show.

passed out at plantation between dressage and stadium.

The shoulder to cry on when I start to lose faith in my riding ability, my horse's ability, and my mental stability. But also the shoulder to thump with an enthusiastic dude pat when we bring home a ribbon, or nail a distance, or finally get more than one stride of roundness.

making a giant horse look like a midget.

The rider who went from doing cattle work in Montana on Quarter Horses, to trail riding in New York on an Appaloosa, to a lover of Thoroughbreds no matter what the discipline.

red pony shows why he was the best.

The Hubby that thinks to himself, "What do I get my girlfriend on Valentine's Day, when she already has tons of horsey shit? What about an OTTB tee, ordered on the sly because that silly slut can't keep her nose out of anything?" And then has it gift wrapped and shipped to work to surprise me with something for the first time ever. (Do you remember that order, Kristen? Because I remember seeing it on the facebook page that "someone" had ordered a secret shirt for V-Day, and I was all, "Aww!" only to have it be for me!)

Happy Valentine's Day to me!

And, lest we not forget, the checkbook. The person who doesn't hesitate to say, "Just buy it." Or, "So have the vet out. Again." Or, "How many saddles are you up to now?" Er, well, maybe that last one doesn't count.

"how many horses are you up to now?"

I'm thankful that I have the best Horse Hubby out there. He might not be recommending dating a horse chick to any of his friends, but we're compatible enough that it works. At the very least, he hasn't been able to get rid of my crazy ass yet.

oh, hubby.

Oh, the thrill!

Sorry for the few days of blogging silence. We had a massive snow storm that knocked out the internet. It was awful. I wasn't sure we were going to make it.

carnage!
not sure how this warranted broken internet, those fucks.

I've kept Bobby in his hackamore since our jump school Saturday since he was so fabuloso flatting in it. Apparently EN agreed it was a good idea. He's going quietly and softly in it, and working over his back correctly. If he wants to rebuild his topline in his hackamore instead of battling with a bit, I'm totally down. It's far more enjoyable for both of us. He might need his teeth done, so I'll have the vet check them tomorrow when she comes to pull blood for the Lyme test.

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it is just foot soreness. I've been riding in the indoor the past few times because it's been cold and super windy, and he's hardly taken a bad step. Still a little "catch", almost, in his stride when we first start trotting, but only for a dozen or so strides. By the time we've gotten to the canter, he's completely fine.

In fact, today he was a bit of a fire breathing dragon at the canter. I got him to slow down and focus by doing canter-halt-canter transitions. He was a total boss, especially from the halt to the canter. There was literally no step between the two--just standing there squarely and then cantering off. We finished with a few lengthenings to channel the forward energy productively.

chilling while i closed the gate after a ride last week.

I touched up his toes when we were done before taking him up to the paddock myself. He was more ouchy than he was a week ago walking up the hill. So....foot soreness returning? But why now? Another abscess brewing? Psh, I don't fucking know. At least I can cross Lyme off the list one way or another.

all by himself.

hello, cute pony!!

Obviously you guys have missed out on a lot of exciting things. I can't help that my horse leads such a thrilling life.

Speaking of thrilling? Here's a video of Bobby chilling in his stall waiting to get tacked up while I wandered around the barn:

He's allowed to stick his head and neck out, but he's not allowed to set a foot into the aisle. He hangs out with the door wide open hoping random passersby will feed him cookies. He's a special sort of special.

watching me feed the barn kitties in the tack room.

Well, boo.

First of all, boo on Hubby's picture taking skills today. Someone hasn't taken the new Nikon to get fixed because we moved and now live ten million miles away from the nearest Best Buy, and I just don't want to drive ten million miles. So Hubby was stuck with the old as hell Olympus that sometimes feels like turning on and sometimes not, and when it does turn on it hates your face. But he still could have taken better flat pictures the first time he was there to witness Bobby going like a Prance-a-saurus in his hackamore outside where there's good lighting. But he didn't. 

because he does not look as fancy as he was being here!

Really, I'm just being a whiny bitch because that's the mood I'm in. We've had one too many uplifting posts around this joint. It's time for my Stephen King novel to take a turn for the worse. (I've never even read a Stephen King novel, by the way, but isn't taking a turn for the worse what they're all about?)

Bad news first, or good news?

Yay, bad news!

my, what large ears you have.

Yesterday when I wandered into the barn, BM was like, "Let's shoot you down." No, she wasn't actually like that, but she did tell me that when bringing Bobby inside in the morning, he doesn't want to move to come in. He just stands there like he'd be perfectly happy to be left alone all day. Normally, since this is Bobby and Bobby is a giant dope, I'd be like, "Meh." However, it's a new behavior for him and a few horses in the barn have come up with high positives for Lyme disease. 

Ughhhhhhhhhh.

Then that got me thinking about how he feels under saddle. He's been warming up the past week and a half feeling like he's footsore, but he's not showing any signs of being footsore--even walking up the gravel hill! He just starts out kind of short-strided, but then once he's had a forward trot and a canter on a loose rein in half seat, he's absolutely one hundred percent sound. He feels great once he's warmed up. 

warm up canter in my ballin' Horze coat!

It's easy to write that off as "It's getting colder, his muscles are taking longer to warm up, yada yada" except that I've known this horse from Day One and he's never had a problem warming up in cold weather. 

But he's not running a fever. Once warmed up, he's supple, he's relaxed, he's excited to be working, he's moving into the bridle, and he's jumping great. He hasn't gotten grumpier. He's not grinding his teeth about anything (which is a big deal for him). The only difference is that he's reluctant to move to come inside each morning, and he's stiff warming up.

That's enough for me. Lyme is easily treatable, especially when caught in the earlier stages, and thanks to the awesome BMs who are quick to notice and point out any little change in the horses, I'd say there's just enough there to go off of. So I'm waiting for my vet to get back to me with an appointment time, and I'll have the test done. Hopefully if it comes off positive, it's really fucking low because treatment is currently really fucking expensive. 

oh, hey, fancy horse at really awkward angle.

On to the good news!

I got a video of Bobby jumping! 

Those were the last two jumps we did. I asked BM to watch since she was turning a horse out in the paddock next to the arena, which is who I'm talking to at the end. Also, I threw that chip in there on the last jump just so you guys wouldn't think Bobby and I were getting to full of ourselves. We do still occasionally bite it. That's just how we roll, okay?

slightly overzealous on a mid-air lead change while warming up.
don't judge.

the type of high quality photos you're missing out on.

obviously excellent timing.

That's all that's going on in Bobby Land at the moment. He's going to get his sheet switched out for his medium weight tomorrow in preparation for a week of highs in the thirties. That is clearly not exciting at all and just very depressing.

The internet is delusional.

I was fucking around with this "Analyze my text!" thing just for shits and giggs this morning, and I copied a couple of paragraphs from my last blog post.

Here's what I used:

"Yesterday, I lazily set up a two stride line that boxed in the vertical on the short side and made up a little course with the three jumps. He was totally nonchalant about the whole thing. I'm keeping the jumps tiny for now, so it's not exactly physically or mentally stimulating, but that's the whole point, isn't it?

I think I've finally cracked the Bobby Jumping Code. Three whole years of doing one extreme of this or that, and I've finally pieced together a little bit of both and created a perfect gentleman of a jumper. Well, over 2'6" at least. We'll see how well it holds up once I ask him to go a little more forward for bigger jumps.

But srsly.

Jumping used to consist of not being able to count how many good jumps we got in the entire ride because you can't count to zero on your fingers! Now I can count on one hand how many eyebrow-raising jumps we get throughout the course of the ride. Note "eyebrow-raising" and not "cover your head and peak between your fingers to see if it's over" jumps. I'll force Hubby to get video this weekend."

Any guesses on what writer I supposedly emulate?

Uh, would anyone have guessed Stephen King? Yeahhh....not really seeing it, unless even a random internet site is trying to tell my riding is downright horrifying. That's kind of a depressing thought.

So what about you guys? Who do you write like?