If you saw a beacon of light shooting up into the sky yesterday, you shouldn't have been worried. It was just me, exposing my albino legs to the world.
Yesterday was the first time I tried Bobby in the hackamore. I got to the barn about an hour before Sarah and I had decided to ride with grand intentions of cleaning Bobby's sheath, fitting the hackamore to my bridle, and having Bobby groomed.
Instead, I spent the entire time digging through the barn in search of a leather hole punch before giving up and fighting with the bridle of the 12hh pony that spent a week at the barn last month. I got the cheek pieces to fit so that the hackamore hung where it was supposed to, but the throat latch proved to be a touch short. And by a touch short, I mean that a 12 hand Appy/Welsh pony does not have quite the same sized head as my 17 hand Thoroughbred. So I ghetto-rigged a longer throat latch with my flash strap and some braiding bands. Classy.
"posing."
not good listeners.
Sarah arrived and since it was a gorgeous day out, we decided to ditch the dressage school and take the boys to the creek to see if the mega rain we got were enough to make a swimming hole. Clearly this meant we should go bareback. In shorts and sneakers. With Bobby's first time ever wearing a hackamore. And Memphis being a worrier on the trails. We did keep safety in mind: we both had our helmets on, and I had my phone stuffed down my bra in case of an emergency.
Both boys were good starting out until we approached our galloping hill. Bobby started leaping sideways in anticipation and contemplated being naughty about the deer directly in front of us. I decided there was no way he was going to politely walk up the hill and just let him go, trusting he'd remember his manners and pull up at the top. However, he was seriously unimpressed with my riding and grudgingly settled for a big trot instead.
We didn't run into anything exciting until:
(warning: nsfw)
That was literally the biggest spook Bobby has ever done. Look out.
We got to the creek and where we usually go was up at least a foot and flowing really fast. Bobby could have cared less and happily splashed right in. However, Sarah and I didn't think it was a great place to be so we headed back into the woods to find a quieter spot.
memphis didn't think it was a great idea either.
After a slightly terrifying cliff scaling experience that saved us from falling off a ledge into the creek, and the resulting turn-around drama when our trail dead ended, Bobby went crashing down a bank, through trees, and back into the water. Memphis was all, "You're fucking dumb. I'm not going down that." and they rerouted to a normal spot.
memphis didn't think this was a good idea either.
The water was quiet, there were less rocks on the bottom, and the water was way deeper. We ended up going up to my knees and Bobby's shoulders. However, having ten foot long legs and a ten foot long neck kept us firmly grounded. We splashed around for awhile and then Bobby decided we were done for the day.
It wasn't a bad trail ride, but spending two hours bareback on your high withered horse is not fun. My seat bones are killing me, not to mention the amount of debris I picked up on my thighs.
gross!
Today I trudged back out in the rain to clean Bobby's sheath. The joys of being a gelding owner. I gave him a thorough grooming first and noticed some funk on his back legs. Since my hands were already going to smell like dirty penis, I figured they might as well smell like dirty penis and bacon. So on went the MTG.
Bobby's a star for sheath cleaning. He doesn't like me digging around for a bean, but once I start scrubbing the actual sheath, he drops right down and stands immobile until I'm done with everything. Thank God, because I can't imagine having to fight over that shit. Like it's not a gross enough job as it is!
Once he was all squeaky clean, I couldn't resist trying out the hackamore in a controlled setting; I had no steering on that bad boy yesterday. So I threw on his jump tack and set up a 2'6 vertical and a big X in the indoor. I rode for fifteen minutes total. My butt hurt, not gonna lie.
Bobby trotted calmly to the X, picking up the canter in the last stride and cantering off without fuss. Did a few circles, a shallow serpentine, and changed directions. Trotted to the vertical....and kept on trotting right over it. Like, literally just took it in a trot stride. He clearly pulled the rail down with a hind leg. But you guys--he trotted a fence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He didn't trot the turn and then take off once he saw the jump!!
BALLIN'.
I set the fence back up and picked up the canter to come to it again. He cantered right over like it was no big deal. No rushing, no tension, nothing. Same for the X in the other direction, and same taking the vertical at an angle.
So it wasn't a full course of 3' jumps, and it was in his comfort zone of the indoor, but if it's indicative of how he feels about the hackamore, we are in business.
the door was latched so he couldn't open it himself.
he's staring down the bm on the other side.
He'll have tomorrow and maybe the entire weekend off. Then I should probably run through First 3 and start to actively memorize all the tests. Maybe.
Me: Wouldn't it be nice if you could just walk around like a normal horse?
Bobby: Nope. Not when there's a trailer in the driveway!
Me: That should not be a factor.
Bobby: SOMEONE JUST OPENED THE DOOR! DID YOU SEE THAT?!
............
Bobby: It's canter time!
Me: No, it's trot lengthening time. But now we're out of room because you spent too much time throwing a fit and we'll have to try it on the next pass.
Bobby: It's trot lengthening time!
Me: No, we're going to do a normal trot down this long side. You lost your chance, and now you have to wait until we come back around.
Bobby: WHYYYYYYYY??? WHY DO YOU HATE ME??
Practicing 15m circles to lengthenings to working canter:
Bobby: We do canter lengthenings or we do nothing! THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN.
Me: Fuck you, dude. Canter, and canter on the correct fucking lead.
Bobby: NO IN BETWEEN. LENGTHENINGS.
Me: I'm about to pop you IN BETWEEN your fucking ears. Canter like a normal horse!
Bobby: LOLZ, switched my lead.
Me: Canter. Now.
Bobby: Well.... ok.
Mid-test run through:
Bobby: ZOMG, leg yield time!
Me: Ok, that's an A for effort, but this is first level at a little schooling show. Your hind leg doesn't need to be at K when we're only at X.
Bobby: Wooooo, look at me cross over! Oops, almost tripped.
Me: My point exactly.
...............
Bobby: Leg yield! Leg yield!
Me: Ok, but let's regulate this one. Go straight for a few strides. Now over again. Much better!
Bobby: WHY DID YOU WRECK MY LEG YIELD?! I KNOW EVERYTHING AND YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!
Me: Canter here. Canter. Helllooooo! We're over the leg yield thing. Canter!
Bobby: WHY DID YOU JUST KICK ME??? DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE LEG YIELDS??
Me: Get over yourself. Just canter.
Bobby: OH MY GOD, I HATE YOU.
Take 2 on test run through:
Bobby: We canter right here.
Me: No we don't. We walk.
Bobby: WE CANTER.
Me: WE WALK.
Bobby: FINE.
............
Bobby: We walk right here. You just said so.
Me: Right, but now we've moved on. We have to keep trotting and turn down the centerline.
Bobby: WE WALK. YOU SAID SO.
Me: Remove your head from your chest and just trot another twenty steps, you tool.
Bobby: Did you see that halt? That was a bitching halt. Give me a fucking pat, lady. We're done with this shit.
Walking back to the barn:
Bobby: I want to go on the trails.
Me: Ok. Let's go.
Bobby: Well....no, I don't want to go. I want to go back to the barn. I did enough work today.
Me: You're the one that just tried to dive down the trail head.
Bobby: I was just kidding. Go fetch me some cookies.
What is it with eventers now saying dressage "Dress-ahhhhge"? I thought pretentious dressage people only said it that way. Or perhaps I'm just a redneck that says it "Dress-ahge". Why does it sound like two different words all of the sudden? Does that make any sense? Is anyone else feeling me on this conundrum? I'm literally blown away by this. But then, I live in a very small world.
So anyway.
Despite having an awesome weekend where I magically blew out the rear window in my car by casually throwing dog leashes into the back seat (just call me She Man) and was quoted a $500 fix by SafeLite who will be visiting me on Friday, I thought I should go ahead and enter a dressage show.
that's right. i'm now rocking the plastic window for the rest of the week.
It's a local show about half an hour from the barn. It's small, and it's only $20 a test. I think it will be a great, cheap way to get Bobby out and about to work on his uncalled-for tension. I also think it will be good for him to suck it up and do more than one test in a row instead of being a llama and then getting rewarded with jumping. So that will be next Sunday doing First 1-3. I somehow convinced Sarah to join me in this endeavor.
As such, I figured I better take a looksie at the tests. I pretty much just threw down test 1 when I got to the first real movement. "The fuck is this S shape shit at X? Oh, well. See you in September, stupid test." I am a good planner. After reading through the whole test today, I realized it was almost identical to the USEA Training A and it wasn't a complicated test in the slightest.
I took Robert down to the indoor since it was pouring rain (as opposed to....?) and after chatting with N, we set out at the walk. We did a lot of lateral work with the dressage whip to wake Bobby up and then moved on to the trot. Bobby decided that he's really meant to be more of a swimming horse than a dressage horse. In the case of there not being any water, just revert back to being a racehorse.
"i'm doing dressage!"
I was all, "Whatevs, Bobby. My elbows are bent, my hands are up, and my core is trying to punch me in the face. Eventually you will cave." After doing half halts every other stride for what felt like an eternity, and not caving in my position at all, Bobby was finally like, "Maybe..... maybe I can stretch down a bit." And then he was rewarded by getting to walk and having the killer whip put away.
His trot was good after that and we did several trot-canter transitions until it was what I wanted. I was very proud of him for not blowing up while working through that as he usually hates quick transition work. Another walk break and we ran through a small arena version of First 1.
The first 15m circle was pretty awkward. It wasn't really 15m, and it wasn't really a circle. We turned in to come across the diagnol at the canter and Bobby was too confused.
Bobby: Flying change! WE'RE GOING TO DO A FLYING CHANGE!
Me: No, no, no. Come back down to the trot. No flying changes.
Bobby: OK! It's a simple change!
Me: No, just trot. Good pony. Er, but try to be a little straighter there, killer.
Bobby: I know this dressage test! We canter once we make it across instead!
Me: Nope. No, no. Just a little farther. Make it to C!
The 15m circle this direction was better, and coming off the lengthened canter set us up perfectly for the trot lengthening across the diagnol. Bobby flew across the ring. And not in a "Racing!" sort of way--in a "I'm a 17 hand Thoroughbred. Watch how massive I can make my stride!" way. A little half halt and he came almost back to the walk in the corner. Such a good pony. He loves his lengthenings now.
Depending on the weather tomorrow, he'll either get the day off or go for a trail ride in his newly arrive hackamore.
And one more dressage thing: How the hell do you wear underwear with white breeches?!
Trail riding has been awesome this week. We went out with Sarah and Memphis on Monday as I didn't think Bobby had overly taxed himself on Sunday. We headed straight for the creek where Bobby again rolled right into the water, followed closely by Memphis. What a brave pony! We decided we wanted to see how deep the creek went and somehow convinced Bobby to go back to shore so we could disrobe the ponies.
brave memphis!
We played in the creek for over an hour. Memphis felt the need to secure the perimeter and he bravely splashed around by himself, checking out all possibilities of attack. You never know when a killer frog might come out and get you.
bobbys love water!
Bobby, on the other hand, agreed to move only to get to the deepest spot he could find and then parked it, hind foot cocked and all. No amount of prodding, pony club kicking, or arm waving could get him to move. The water horse had found his soaking hole and he was happy.
soaking also involved snorkeling.
We eventually decided to head home and somehow convinced Bobby he could head back to dry land.
"only because there are snacks on dry land."
He got Tuesday off, and we headed out alone on Wednesday. We went down to the creek for a ten minute splash where I tried to convince Bobby that we could not play in the deep hole with BO's saddle on. We then headed up the monster hill, had a gallop, and hiked down the short cut across the road. On the way to the hill we had to take to get back towards the barn, we passed a pond where a gaggle of geese and goslings where wandering around. There were about twenty of them all together and they were making a lot of noise. Their escape route was stupidly not into the pond but up the hill where we were headed.
Bobby stopped when he saw them diving into the woods and continuing up the hill and he stared them down before turning his head to see if I thought they were a viable death threat. I gave him a pat and asked him to walk on and he was like, "Whatever you say, lady. They kill us and it's on you." One of the geese got left behind from its scattering friends and it did the classic dumb bird drop and spread your wings. Bobby gave it the hairy eye as we passed it, but that was the extent of it. I would have taken a picture, but I had both reins in my hands for safety. It didn't matter in the end though. Bobby may be one neurotic beast, but he's definitely not spooky.
buttercup head explores the creek
Yesterday we were waiting for the farrier so only did a thirty minute ride out. I decided instead of going across the road, we'd head up the hill into the woods that we first explored early last year. Unfortunately, there were a ton of trees down so I didn't know where to go anymore We turned around and cruised back down the hill I had to lead him down last year. We are too brave. Kind of.
It's also the season for baby deer. Every single ride we've seen at least one fawn in the grass. Poor things barely escape with their lives when Bobby is around. His instinct when something rustles in the brush is to stomp it to death.
He has today off, a ride tomorrow, and Sunday off as well. Hopefully all my fun things get here this weekend!
After twenty six years, people have finally come to grips with the fact that all I need for my birthday is money. "Can I buy you something horsey?" No. I will by myself something horsey, thank you. The only exception is my Aunt Carrie who sends me an Amazon gift card instead, but it usually funds horsey books. So here is what I blew some cash on this year:
A five point breastplate. Fancy looking, but also totally needed for holding Bobby's saddle firmly in place for all our trail riding and to make me be all, "Wow, you look like an eventer. I should event again." Or something. Sounds legit, right?
Black standing wraps. I've lent mine out through the years. My red set is down to two wraps, one of which is severely chewed up. My navy set is down to three, one of which is missing the velcro.
A hackamore to eventually jump in, but mostly to make trail riding totes rustic.
A black ear net so we can all stop mocking Buttercup Head.
White full seat breeches. I noticed my beige show breeches mysteriously acquired two vampire-like holes in the thigh of one leg, so I took this opportunity to replace them with real dressage breeches.
I also made a grown up decision and went to Old Navy to get a few grown up people summer clothes. Some of you may recall that Old Navy is the only place I can buy clothes, and I was super excited that their summer clothes fit me, too. Yay for weird body proportions! I even managed to buy my first pair of non-Levis since I was about 13 years old. What. They're my first pair of skinny jeans. I am such a hipster.
The dogs also got owner-specific NFL dog collars, but I think that negates the hipster vibe and sends me into some sort of sporty nerd area. I am all the things.
I didn't think a three hour drive was that bad, nor did I think an 8am dressage ride time was that bad. Then I realized that I also had to get up, have breakfast, drive to the barn, feed the horse, wrap the horse, put the horse on the trailer, drive, and give myself enough time to unload the horse, unwrap the horse, check in, tack up the horse, longe the horse, and warm up the horse without being stressed about running out of time. What I'm trying to say is, Hubby and I got up at 2am Sunday morning and I'm still tired.
Dressage
The severe thunderstorms forecasted for the day were downgraded to showers by that morning, and we were lucky enough to only get rained on when we first pulled in. Even so, the grass was wet and deep and I feared for my life Bobby' s canter leads. I put him on the longe away from, but still overlooking, the chaos of warm up and he immediately trotted off as he took in his surroundings.
And he continued trotting for twenty straight minutes.
longe yourself, fool.
I finally convinced him to stand still long enough to clip the side reins on, and then he had a ten minute round of being sassy while alternating between cantering and trotting.
"i can't wait to show these other horses my best drama llama impression!"
He got his bit checked and my whip measured at the same time which apparently was cause for great distress and he nearly ran the nice bit check lady over. "Someone else is touching the whip! I just know they're going to kill me!" Fortunately, no lasting harm was done and we scooted over and began warming up.
"Wow, Bobby," you say. "You look like those months and months and months of dressage work have finally paid off when it really counts."
LOLZ.
Is this your very first post? Of course it didn't!
While Mr Magee managed not to take offense to multiple riders nearly colliding with him when they refused to stick to the "Stay in your own fucking bubble" code, he was traumatized (read: overreacted) when he had to pull up short trotting around the ring just before going in when the rider coming out randomly cut in front of us while not paying any attention at all to where she was going. She did apologize which probably saved her life because I was ready to shank a bitch.
Needless to say, that horrible (not really) action made Bobby's brain explode into a whole new stratosphere and he pranced into the ring with his head held high. Comments for the entire test can be summarized with "tense, hollow, braced, tense, tense, tense...." You get the idea. He also really needs to learn that the free walk does not mean "You are free to wander about across the diagnol." On a positive note, I'm not ashamed of my riding. I don't think I look half bad, if you take the princess out from underneath me. He ended up with a 37.4 which is my second worse dressage score ever and put us in ninth.
Stadium Hubby and I got back from our ten hour hike to and around the xcountry course (no shit, dudes) and off in the distance I spotted a large, dark bay, high-withered horse being grazed. Upon closer inspection, I recognized the neon green bell boots and I took off running to see what had befallen my miserable sod of a horse this time. Apparently his genius self managed to get a front leg tangled in his lead rope while grazing. And no, Bobby cannot wait on the trailer because he's taken to thrashing around when we're not moving. Dick.
Our neighbor had seen him in a state of semi-distress and helped him out of his predicament and took him over to graze beside the stadium ring. She was very, very nice about it and said he looked worried, but he waited for someone to come rescue him. Good ole Bobby. He had nary a scratch on him, so while Hubby went to collect his family who had come to annoy the shit out of me cheer me on for my birthday, I started getting him tacked up.
you can tell we're always on the same page.
I was in full blown panic mode bridling Bobby. I was literally about to burst into tears. I did not want to jump at all. Like, at all. I somehow convinced myself to stop being a drama queen and climbed aboard. We walked around on a loose rein for a few minutes, trotted one lap, and casually turned to the crossrail. Bobby immediately jumped into the canter and blew over it. Whatever, right?! All I had to do was release, and I did manage that! We walked around for another couple of minutes and pointed for the vertical. Same thing: canter, jump, release!
ok, it's a sucky picture, but look where my hands are! also, this horse jumps like a boss when not jumping like a looney.
I was good with that and ready to go in. Oh, no. T/N was running late so they had to reset the course first. That only took a few minutes, but then everyone and their trainers had to walk the course at least ten times each. Then, just as it looked like we were going to be allowed to start riding the course, someone pointed out that one of the combinations was a one stride which is not allowed below Training. So that had to get reset to a two stride, and then everyone had to rewalk the course. Holy shit, people. I had seen three training rounds go and I knew the course already. It's not that fucking hard!!! Needless to say, we walked around for a good forty five minutes.
me: the fuck is going on here? i should be on xcountry by now. bobby: fuck these other fucking horses. oh, heyyy. that's a lady!
Finally our division started getting called in and we popped over the vertical once more two riders out. Then we got scolded by ring steward for not standing right by the gate as the rider in front of us went around. I wanted to be like, "Do you want to make this antsy fuck stand still? Feel free. I'll go stand over here and watch." Whatevs. We were walking in as the other rider jumped the last fence. No harm done.
fence 1
fence 2. the majority of the refusals were here.
Bobby rocked that shit. I might have had zero brakes and questionable steering, but at least I didn't have any stopping! We didn't hit any problems until the fifth jump which sat close to the last jump as you came out of the turn from four. Bobby locked onto the wrong jump and I had to cut our turn short to pull him off of it. He came in at an awful distance and got a pop on the shoulder for encouragement and bless his pony heart, he took it for me.
heave! you can do it, bobby!
He pulled down a rail and had a little scoot sideways when he heard it fall. It was only a five stride line so we didn't have much room to get reorganized, but I gave him a little neck scratch and told him he was a good boy and he kept his shit together enough to get relatively straight and jump six. He had the top panel of that one down, too.
bobby: can we make it in one?! me: no, no. cancel that, bobby.
He went flying into the two stride, and I opted to go around five instead of making the inside turn like everyone else to get to nine. That earned us two time faults, but he had a clear path to nine and jumped that clean.
bobby's all, "where's the spread on this bitch?"
Two rails and two time faults, but hot damn--we finished!
The course actually looked really fun with the exception of the cliff diving experience of the fourth fence. Hell to the no is all I'll say about that.
It was about a six mile journey to the start box (Have any of you been here that can corroborate my story? That is no shit.). Bobby kept looking back at me as we hacked over there like, "The trailer's back there if we're not going to jump any more jumps. Where are we going?" We finally made it just as the rider before me was starting out and the timer gave me a one minute warning. Uh, what?
I decided not to jump a warm up jump which I think ended up being a mistake. It was such a long walk that Bobby lost his crazy horse jumping groove and left the start box like, "What the fuck is going on here, lady? Are we jumping or are we trail riding?"
He went up and down instead of forward to the first jump, and backed off so much on the second jump that I was ready to pull him around and circle him before he launched from a stand still. It was a combination of the two for the third jump and I pulled him right up after that and elected to retire. I wasn't doing him any favors by not committing to the jumps and I wasn't about to attempt skydiving over the fourth when we could barely get over a log on flat ground.
We might not have finished, but we didn't get eliminated either. I'm thinking positive here, folks.
this horse seriously loves his dew.
We then had to sit around the truck for two more hours and "hang" with Hubby's family. I'm not sure I can explain the joys of this adequately so I won't even try. Bobby thought it was the best time ever, though. He was pretty sure they were his personal cheering squad/feeding team/head rubbing assistants/best friends in general. The awning that had been erected (don't even get me started) blew over on top of him at one point and he just stepped back and was like, "Now about that cake...."
totally staged. bobby figured out quickly the small child had nothing to offer him.
Looking at it from someone else's point of view, it probably wasn't a very good show. But for me, while the dressage remains disappointing due to sudden attacks of "I AM SO TENSE FOR NO REASON" on Bobby's part, I am just totally pumped we actually finished stadium. That was enough for me. Now we have zero plans for the rest of the summer until I feel like finding a show somewhere. But until then, we're going to do a lot of trail riding and zen out for awhile.
Hubby's brother did take a bunch of stadium pics with his fancy camera so hopefully I'll be able to share those this week at some point.
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