Welcome Back

What a doozy the past however many years it's been since this blog has last been live. Writing for Emma kicked things back into gear (I went ahead and made that post live on this blog as well, you can read it somewhere on here idk how technology works), although it has been lurking in my mind lately. I actually started off continuing to blog a ton once I made it private, but even that eventually stopped one day.

I know it took everyone by surprise that I closed it to public viewing as I made zero announcement or any allusion that I was about to do so, but honestly it had been in the back of my mind for quite awhile. The vibe got weird. The vibe of the entire blogosphere. Too much of comparing ourselves to each other, too much holier than thou vibes, and quite frankly mentally I was no longer up to editing myself in fear that some random half formed thought or sentence was going to trigger someone into writing their own post that not at all subtly tied back into whatever had offended them. 

It felt like if you tried to be authentic, you were a pessimist.

If you shared your struggles, you're only struggling because you're doing it wrong.

If your goals were different from other bloggers goals, they're not the right ones.

There's a quote from Ben Atkinson I really like when asked what's a common habit he hates to see in riders. His answer was "The 'don't do that'/'they're wrong' as opposed to 'I like doing it this way' culture." #relatable

I'm still a little wary of opening this back up to the public. I know there are going to be plenty of people that return to reading it - which is great, thankssomuch - but I know the majority of those same people are never going to comment, never going to engage with me directly, and are most definitely going to be screenshotting and gossiping because that do be the world we live in now.

I also have to take into account now that there are two toxic, whacky AF people that know this blog exist that were in my inner circle of onsite horse people. They took a wee journey that made my life, and many others, absolutely miserable and now not only are they still toxic, but also probably bored which is never a great combo. Possibly one day I will do a whole post explaining that past situation, but most assuredly it will be password protected.

I will put out this disclaimer for anyone returning or reading for the first time:

• This is not a family friendly, cheery, happy, no problems ever happen here blog. 
• There's going to be lots of swearing; I fucking love swearing! 
• I don't sugar coat training issues. I'm not going to pretend like my horse is perfect every ride, or that I never make mistakes, or that things I've tried or believed in the past are cemented in my horsey philosophy. 
• I call my horse bad names sometimes because I am a FIRM believer that he does not in fact take personal offense when I refer to him as a nappy donkey. He still gets candy. He doesn't care, guys. 
• I love bullet points. Even if they're not needed.

this is my horse. he looks very big and strong and powerful.
he is only 16hh.
he's shaped like a crooked dairy cow if you look at him from behind.

Now that all that is taken care of, you're probably wondering what we've been up to! I honestly can't remember when I took this private so I don't know where you left off. Whoopsies. If you're super nosy and/or super bored which I'm sure some of you will be, feel free to go back and read up to when I quit writing all together. Probably 90% of it will be about trying to teach Opie the changes. Spoiler alert, we still only have one. But that L-R is solid now!

Feels like a good time for more bullet points to hit some of the bigger milestones so at least we're all kind of on the same page.

• I finally reached out and acquired an outside trainer. We were trailering out for weekly lessons, and things started off great before she decided that my horse who I was successfully showing Second and trying to move up to Third wasn't fit to compete at Training level. According to her, he was too difficult to ride, and I wasn't a good enough rider to get him where I wanted to go. So that ended that relationship.
• I went back to training myself because I was shooketh in the confidence department - not because I was afraid of my horse, but because that trainer had systematically dismantled all my belief in myself.
• But then we found a new trainer! (We will refer to her as MB.) Someone I'd already known from riding and showing, but I'd never reached out to for lessons because get this, guys - she didn't have her Bronze, and I was trying to get mine so she must not have anything to offer. The Bronze curse hits us all at some point, none of us are immune lol. 
• Turns out you can be a really, really good trainer even without one tho. Shocking, I know. 
• This trainer got us our Bronze in 2023! She pounded basics into us with the perfect blend of enthusiasm and pragmatism, filling in holes in both our educations while still pushing us out of our comfort zones. She works so well for Opie and me because she gets the Thoroughbred brain and the adult ammy brain which usually are on a similar rollercoaster of craziness. Not a lesson goes by where she doesn't calmly call out, "It's fine!" as Opie is flinging himself through the air or I'm sobbing in frustration for reasons varying between he feels stuck and doesn't think he can, or I don't get something perfectly correct on the very first try. Both valid reactions, right? We're fine!
• Our barn closed its doors. It was a HOT MESS in the way only horse people can do things. 
• My trainer took us in, fortunately having a stall open the day before we moved in, and Opie did a complete 180. No more weaving. No more being herd bound. His strength and his focus are through the roof under saddle. 
• Being surrounded by a community that's entirely dressage focused, but most importantly learning focused, has blown my mind and my own riding skills out of the water. I've improved more in the past four months than I did in the past four years. 

one of our first rides at the new barn.
sir was like, whatevs, even after having essentially a month off

Even though it's winter in New York, and we keep missing blocks of riding because it's winter in NY, we're doing so much riding and lessoning. We currently lesson every other week with my trainer, a few times she has ridden Opie with a couple GP trainers she lessons with, and this past weekend one of those trainers came and I got to take a lesson on him with her myself. So expect a blog post about that. How fun!

So welcome back to the blog, y'all. Try to keep the assholeness wrapped up. I promise it's more fun to be supportive and positive than it is to be a gossipy, grumpy bitch. And remember, when comparing yourself to others, you're running a race that doesn't exist. There is no finish line/end goal to riding. Do the thing, enjoy the journey, enjoy your fucking horse!