Trust the Process

I ended up cancelling last week's lesson because of disgusting icy snow rain that started the night before and finished late morning with a base of ice under three inches of heavy, wet snow. Not my type of hauling weather, thanks. I'm waiting to hear back from DL now to see if we can change this week's as well because they're now projecting a "snow maker" on Friday. Thanks, weather. Save the best for the one day a week I want to trailer somewhere. 

So instead of lessoning, last Friday I did some jumping in the afternoon in preparation for the barn's jumper night. I thought Opie was going to be a monster for it because he was twitchy AF and spooking at the jumps as we walked by them, but I trotted him to a few 2'6" verticals in hopes it would keep getting rabid out of his mind. He was indeed super for those. I then sent him through a bounce that he wanted to go charging through as it was the first jumps I let him canter. Fortunately that worked out exactly the way I planned--the bounce itself slowed him down and made him look a fool for trying to blast through it, and we had zero rushing issues after that. 

Mentally, however, even though he was on point, I wasn't into it and decided to bow out of jumper night. That ended up working out because 50mph winds and random white out snow squalls moved in by the afternoon and it was postponed. Gotta love winter in New York. Today is 50* with bright sunshine and no wind to be found. 

Back to dressage world though!

I managed to snag Hubby for once yesterday afternoon and had him come take video of what our typical rides look like lately.

Warm up trot:

First sitting trot: 

Canter left:

Canter right:

More sitting trot:

Really right now my only focus is on myself/my position as this has been all my two lessons have been about. Doing my homework and all that. Are my wrists straight? Am I carrying my hands? Are my elbows my anchor points so my hands and wrists can be soft? Are my shoulders back? Am I sitting in the middle of the saddle instead of leaning right?

The answer to pretty much all of those is "no" LOL, but I am fucking trying!

I can tell the difference when I get it right. My seat is plugged in? The horse responds. My contact is even and not pulling? The horse responds. It's for a giant work in progress, but I know we're going down the right road in the long run.

This morning I had an awesome ride in the double where everything just felt very easy. I mean, I was working my lady balls off the whole time and my legs felt like rubber when I got off, but I felt like I was making good choices and Opie was there to play. 

The canter especially felt locked in, and we had the most awesome moment when I cut my turn wonky, but I plugged in my left seat bone (oh, hey, friend, there you are!), gave a half halt, and his shoulders came up about fifteen feet, and it was the most magical three strides on canter I have ever ridden. 

We finished up the real work with TOH where I thought half steps coming into it--aka get short, but keep the hind end marching, and dammit Opie, I want to feel a fucking difference!--which resulted in no crossing with the hind legs. He still wants to step wide behind, but getting rid of that crossover is such a big thing for us. 

He got tons of snackies when we were done and I could tell he was quite pleased with himself. 

Lean on me

....my right leg says, and my whole body happily obliges by throwing all my weight into my right side. 

That was the theme of our lesson yesterday: sit the fuck in the center of the saddle. 

got a much needed goat beard trim

My saddle fitter did manage to drop me off a usable dressage saddle the afternoon before our lesson, so even though it was a bit too small in the seat it was better than fighting my jump saddle. 

During our quick warm up, DL reiterated that the canter is his gait and I reiterated that everyone says that, but I find it so hard to ride. I think it's mostly because even though Bobby was a giant, he had such tiny pony gaits that you never really moved on him. DL said I did a good job of hiding that because it's definitely our high point. 

We worked pretty much exclusively on the circle again which was fine by me so here are the highlights:

• Right off the bat she put me in a driving rein because I couldn't stop breaking my wrist.
• We took a few minutes to establish what steady contact feels like. 
• Always have a "2". If I have to go to a 3 because he's pulling, go back down to a 2 not to a 0.
• Use the elbows as the anchor, not the hands and wrists. The hands and wrists are soft and elastic, the elbows can block and say no if they need to. 
• She thinks his head wag comes from not being entirely through. He uses his hind end really well, but the throughness is getting stuck somewhere along his back--probably pretty close to his shoulders which do not want to get off the ground and do work.
• Opie and I both lean to the right so one of us has to get straight to lead the other one back to center. Being the thinking human being part of the relationship, that falls on me. Which sucks. Because it's really fucking hard.
• In the trot I finally picked up on the fact that my right calf was aching and my left leg was just chilling, coming along from the ride. So that will be a good tell for me when I ride by myself. 
• In the canter she had me look over my outside shoulder to center myself. I could feel it easier when I was centered in the canter because I felt like I had shifted my entire seat to the left side of Opie--which was, in fact, the center of his back. DL agreed I would probably get straight faster in the canter than the trot.
• She also rode my ass about slouching, and actually miraculously got me sitting straight!! I seriously didn't think that was a position my body was even capable of.
• She had me put my stirrups down a hole, and said she eventually wanted to see them come down one more for a true draping dressage leg. I can't imagine it, I already almost feel like I'm reaching for them.

warm enough to be naked when we got back

• Her takeaways were that:
• I ride like an eventer. I'm effective and I'm getting it done, but it doesn't look pretty.
• I've put a good, correct base on him and we're not going to have to go back and fix any basics. Pretty much the best compliment ever!

That's the bulk of what we worked on. I was able to feel the changes she was forcing on my crooked AF body, and in the canter I finally felt a deep but soft dressage seat. 

This morning I worked on my homework: sitting up and sitting straight. It's hard. It's so fucking hard, and when my horse wants to brace or go like a llama I went to wiggle him down and then drop all contact when he gets round--and that's fucking hard to not do, too. 

Riding is so harddddd.

one of us got a pemf session when we got back.
the other one of us has been going nonstop for the
past three days and needs a nap.

I did it!

I reached out to a local dressage trainer (by email, phone, and text--it as a lot of anxiety battling for me), set up a lesson, hauled out to it, and then scheduled another one!

won't stop sticking his head in trees and bushes
to save his life

I've had my eye on DL for awhile as she's the first to pop up when you search local dressage trainers, but also because one of my former barn mates (who now lives in CA) trained with her for awhile and was super happy with her--and how she went to DL with a very specific goal (place in Regionals at Second), and that's exactly what they accomplished. 

It was an easy peasy thirty minute ride down DL's barn where Opie unloaded and hung out tied to the trailer calmly while I got him tacked up. 

desperate times call for desperate buys.
hoping his fenwick hood helps with the zen.

The first thing she asked when she came into the ring was, "Are you an eventer?" Sporting my jump saddle and double bridle like a complete jamoke. I had to explain that no, I was STILL waiting on my custom saddle to come in. I told her that I want to finish out my bronze this year and while he has a change each way, they're next level wild. 

She had me warm him up while she watched. We did some shallow leg yields, some 15m circles, changes of directions, and rein backs. She asked if this was his starting out tempo or his usual tempo. Meh, both? Better after a canter, but honestly we all know going forward into big gaits isn't my strong suit. 

She let us finish a quick w/t/c ("OK well the canter is certainly his gait, isn't it?" Yes, says every dressage judge ever, but riding it is so hard.), and then had us try an ice cream cone exercise: half circle at A and then leg yield when you get X. The timing of it made no sense to me tbh. Her indoor is a short court and it didn't seem like there was any room to actually accomplish this. Even as she talked me through the timing, I was like, "Eh?"

Honestly it wasn't a great start. I know I need my basics polished as a rider and Opie has some holes to fill in. I'm happy to work on both of these things 100%, but I wasn't feeling it so far. 

Fortunately I think she got the sense that this was all pretty lackluster because she pulled us on to a 20m circle. Truly, honestly my favorite place to be. 

For the next twenty minutes straight we trotted on a circle. Sometimes we got to go down the long side in shoulder-fore. I didn't have my spurs on because I pulled them off last week when he was being Satan and he seemed happier, and boy did I regret that. She kept asking me to push for more--push, push, more, PUSHHHH. Opie and I were both like, OMG we got nothing left to give! Finally she deemed it an acceptable working trot. 

::cue sobbing:: 

LOL.

She got after me a ton for collapsing my right side including my right hand and needing to pull my left shoulder back. She said she could see how he would find the changes hard because the straightness isn't there. Agreed, and this horse does his best to pull you crooked, but he won't even let you make him straight when it comes to the changes. 

When we moved on to the canter he instantly flipped a switch and tried to get wound up. My go-to was to shut him down into a smaller sitting trot. DL said, nah make that fucker go. Back to our calf-killing "working" trot, then some sitting trot transitions, down to three steps of walk, and then into the canter. 

We didn't do much there. It was the end of the lesson. I felt like he was going a hundred miles an hour and falling in on his shoulder, neither of which she said anything about. When we were done, she was like, "You have to get out of this saddle. You're all over the place in it and can't plug into it." Yeah, wouldn't it be great if I had a saddle made just for the both of us? Grrrrrr. I did email my fitter again to ask WTF?!

Overall her observations were:

• He's very happy in the double. I think she had serious doubts about this. I can't blame her, we look ridiculous. 
• He looks very happy overall. He doesn't look like any of the work he's done up to this point has made him sour, and he wants to try. 
• Bring the spurs to the next lesson, he's lazy and needs the extra encouragement.
• I need to work on being straighter in my body, carrying my hands, pulling my shoulders back, and asking for waaaaaaaay more from both of us. 

we were both ready for snacks and a nap afterwards

We go back next Friday morning. If I don't have a dressage saddle from my fucking fitter by then, BM has one from a horse that passed away she thinks might work for us. We're going to make something happen. I do kind of know what I'm doing, I'd like to be able to show that. 

Wrong Answer

The temperatures dropped and it was the perfect excuse to not have to get on my horse. I can count on one hand the number of rides I've done in the past two weeks. 

I touched base with the changes and completely lost control of Opie. The draw reins fixed the head in the air issue--even without them, that evasion was nixed. Instead he moved on to putting his head down and bolting. As in, leaving the starting gate and GONE bolting. No matter what exercise I tried, it devolved into not being able to touch him without him leaving--leg, hand, seat, circle, come off the rail an inch--peace, bitch. 

So that was great. 

I tried doing some ground work with him after his PEMF appointment. We started with a little longe where he kept wanting to quit, but while he was quitting he'd snark me. That being not at all productive, I switched to in-hand work. Some SI, TOH and turn on the forehand, and flexing each way all well and good. Once he got over the attitude. His default answer to anything I asked was an automatic, "No." No, I don't want to try. No, I'm not going to listen to what you're asking. No, I'm going to do it this way. 

This is exactly the vibe he has with the changes. "No, I don't want to let you explain the ask or manipulate me in any way that will make these easier. The answer is going to be no either way and FUCK YOU for suggesting otherwise.

will at least always say yes to gallops in the snow

BM and I did set up a riding date which held me accountable to get back on after the previous week's sole cluster fuck of a ride. We jumped around a course set between 2'3" - 2'6". Lots of lines and fun turns with a couple singles. Opie was perfect. He did literally nothing wrong. 

That inspired me to get back on the next day. I set two of the jumps on diagonals down to maybe 12". Good bois like jumping? Great! Let's casually get the changes over jumps so I can reward him for them!

It worked one time each direction. Asked for the change over the jump, he landed on the new correct lead, and got ALLLLLLL the praise and candies. Asked a second time and he was on to the game. The game he hates, that is. Middle fingers went up, the resounding NO came out. Pretty much immediately I couldn't ask for anything without the drama. 

So I went and got the double bridle to try to regain an ounce of control. 

sometimes needs a double, sometimes needs nothing at all

After I put it on we walked and walked and walked and walked until he'd taken a breath and softened his crazy brain. A little trot to make sure we had an honest connection and then my latest plan of attack: We're not even going to leave the rail. 

Into true canter, walk, counter canter, walk, true canter, walk, etc....

At first there was a tantrum over this. We've tried asking out of the counter canter in several different configurations so he knew something was still up. The first time I asked for it we went shooting backwards. The second time, sideways. The third time, there were about ten changes in the space of three strides. It finally started to settle down after that. I just kept asking the same thing. True canter. Walk. Counter Canter. Walk. Rinse and repeat. I don't care if it's ugly as long as it's happening when I ask. The routine quieted his angry brain and as we reached one corner where I'd been asking for the walk, I barely breathed the cue for a change and he popped right over cleanly with no fuss. 

And then got mad at me for tricking him into it and while I was scratching the shit out of his neck and telling him he was the smartest asshole in the whole entire universe he was wagging his tongue around and shaking his head. 

Like, good grief, sir. Do you want to say yes? EVER?

That was where we left it. It got down to single digits again for a couple days, but yesterday we went out with two friends to rip around the back field in the snow. He was perfect for that, too. And now maybe I think we should stick to changes in the field? Put it on the list, we're running out of things to try.

left lead

quiet, clean, no drama involved flying change

right lead

Birthday Ride

Today is Opie's ninth birthday!

He got a fresh Uncle Jimmy's hanging ball and Likit, a bag of his favorite treat in the entire universe (GHM), and a new heavyweight turnout blanket that doesn't hang weird AF and leave giant gaps at the neck. 

birthday lunch!

We've been light on the riding lately. We haven't touched changes in a couple of weeks at this point because I can't bring myself to work up the energy I know I'll need to attack them. Plus it's been single digit cold off and on and nobody wants any part of that--especially me after doing three hours of barn chores. 

I brought Hubby along on Sunday for some fresh riding media, but K and BM were there and K had some jumps set so we did a little bit of boring flat work and then jumped a couple things. Not the best for media, but more fun that a ride that required brain power.

The January/winter riding burnout is real right now. Even once I'm in the saddle it takes all my energy to just convince myself to keep riding and to find something to work on. Yesterday we didn't even canter. I tackled getting the trot collected instead. I've been really bad about asking for more especially when it comes to collection because it's hard work and the easy work is so nice and...easy lol. It ended up quality-ish. He wanted to ping back and forth between my legs every time they moved even a centimeter and there was some mouth noshing because hard, but the collection got done and the connection was soft. 

The "you can stretchy trot instead of walk" thing came back to bite me in the ass. Now he thinks he doesn't have to walk ever which is false, so we did a million transitions within walk until the point got across. 

forever working on the TOH

For his birthday ride I set a couple of jumps...and then decided to get on bareback instead and go for a trail ride. Too bad so sad though because despite the second day of 40* none of the ice out back had melted enough for Opie to break through so back to the ring we went. 

We did some trotting where I FINALLY made a mental breakthrough about the outside rein. 

Like, use it. 

Instead of pulling on the inside rein.

And then your circles are not just neck bent circles. 

Straightness EVEN ON A CIRCLE is a magical thing. 

Mind. Blown. 

Tools in the Tool Box

Things have been up and down with Opie lately. When I take the emotion out of my recent rides and look at everything objectively, it's easier for me to break down what's going on.

• He's inherently lazy. This isn't a new thing, this is just who he is. When the going gets tough he'd really rather not. As we've gone up the levels, his baseline has of course expanded. But each time we add on to the difficulty, we have to go through the struggle of making the baseline expand even more. 
• He's an anxious horse. When I got him, he weaved and stall walked--traits of a horse that has a lot going on in his little racehorse brain. Through training, routine, nutrition, and supplementation he's a million times better than he used to be, but again, that's just who he is. 
• Combine those two and you don't exactly have the recipe for an upper of the lower levels dressage/anything horse. If he put forth half the effort into doing what I'm asking as he does the evasions to get out of them, he'd be a shoo-in for Grand Prix. 

The past two rides we didn't work on flying changes so they were really good. I can tell I've put the correct basics on this horse. His self carriage is lovely. He collects off the seat, he responds to leg aids almost too quickly, he's light in the bridle without giving up the contact. I've been getting him settled and soft and forward even in the dreaded lateral work. 

He wants to jig between canter breaks because of anticipation, but I've been redirecting that into stretchy trot. You don't have to walk because that's clearly a lot for your busy ass brain, so your feet get to move faster, but it's productive work that's good for your body. And it's paid off because his PEMF worked said he's definitely not as sore as he has been. (Still perpetually sore in his shoulders from weaving all the time, but I ordered a massage gun for us to share so I'm excited to get to use that on a regular basis.)

The bad, however, the fucking elephant in the room is the flying changes.

I have tried every which way to make them click in his head in a sane manner. Eighteen months in and we're still getting the same result: sometimes he'll just give me a clean one, but there's no rhyme or reason as to why over why not. 

For sure the one thing that's kept me alive when I ask for them has been draw reins. Even BM, who is very much anti draw reins, said that draw reins are probably the best route for him in this particular movement for now. He throws his head up without them as he goes to bolt and/or leap which disconnects his back which then makes it almost physically impossible for him to change cleanly back to front. They haven't been an instant fix or something that makes the changes appear when he's wearing them, but they significantly cut down on the drama with the ask which speeds the process up.

So that's the final piece in the puzzle that has to happen before show season. I'm committed to Third. I'd like to not be too embarrassing. 

The Cost of 2021

My soul. 

The end.

(Links to previous years can be found here.)

Memberships: $568

I had high hopes for Second Level this year. Zero of them came to fruition. I also renewed my US Rider memberships after skipping it last year, but after talking to more people I won't be renewing it again.

Truck and Trailer: $402.19

Now technically we bought the truck this year, but I'm not including it in the price--not even monthly payments. I didn't get to use it until July, and after cramming my show season into six weeks I think I used it...twice? since then. I hate it. I don't want to acknowledge it. I hope it blows up in my driveway and gets written off as a total loss. 

Farrier: $660

One set of snow pads for the whole year was the only deviation in cost. Bless Farrier.

Tack and Equipment: $4,886.45

LOL whoops. I bought a new blanket, a new sheet, new tall boots, and a custom saddle (that I don't even have yet so jokes on me!). Also just lots of shit, let's be real. 

Supplements: $1,454,53

Nutrena Empower Boost and Dumor Relaxmor are his two times a day supplements. He was on Purina Outlast for about half the year, but I didn't think it was doing enough to justify the cost. This also includes two full months of UlcerGard.

Shows: $1,806.08

I didn't bother calculating how much of that is donations to shows that I didn't get to attend. I don't want to know. 

Lessons: $440

I tried this year. I tried my ass off to get the flying changes. It didn't work.

Board: $1,530

This is the number I remind myself of every time I don't want to keep working board off.

Vet: $3,236.45

Putting a stick in his leg was very expensive. Weekly PEMF also adds up. 

Total: $13,177.62

I think this was one of our most expensive years yet. Definitely going to try to curb that shit next year.