Me: Wouldn't it be nice if you could just walk around like a normal horse?
Bobby: Nope. Not when there's a trailer in the driveway!
Me: That should not be a factor.
Bobby: SOMEONE JUST OPENED THE DOOR! DID YOU SEE THAT?!
Bobby: It's canter time!
Me: No, it's trot lengthening time. But now we're out of room because you spent too much time throwing a fit and we'll have to try it on the next pass.
Bobby: It's trot lengthening time!
Me: No, we're going to do a normal trot down this long side. You lost your chance, and now you have to wait until we come back around.
Bobby: WHYYYYYYYY??? WHY DO YOU HATE ME??
Practicing 15m circles to lengthenings to working canter:
Bobby: We do canter lengthenings or we do nothing! THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN.
Me: Fuck you, dude. Canter, and canter on the correct fucking lead.
Bobby: NO IN BETWEEN. LENGTHENINGS.
Me: I'm about to pop you IN BETWEEN your fucking ears. Canter like a normal horse!
Bobby: LOLZ, switched my lead.
Me: Canter. Now.
Bobby: Well.... ok.
Mid-test run through:
Bobby: ZOMG, leg yield time!
Me: Ok, that's an A for effort, but this is first level at a little schooling show. Your hind leg doesn't need to be at K when we're only at X.
Bobby: Wooooo, look at me cross over! Oops, almost tripped.
Me: My point exactly.
Bobby: Leg yield! Leg yield!
Me: Ok, but let's regulate this one. Go straight for a few strides. Now over again. Much better!
Bobby: WHY DID YOU WRECK MY LEG YIELD?! I KNOW EVERYTHING AND YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!
Me: Canter here. Canter. Helllooooo! We're over the leg yield thing. Canter!
Bobby: WHY DID YOU JUST KICK ME??? DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE LEG YIELDS??
Me: Get over yourself. Just canter.
Bobby: OH MY GOD, I HATE YOU.
Take 2 on test run through:
Bobby: We canter right here.
Me: No we don't. We walk.
Bobby: WE CANTER.
Me: WE WALK.
Bobby: We walk right here. You just said so.
Me: Right, but now we've moved on. We have to keep trotting and turn down the centerline.
Bobby: WE WALK. YOU SAID SO.
Me: Remove your head from your chest and just trot another twenty steps, you tool.
Bobby: Did you see that halt? That was a bitching halt. Give me a fucking pat, lady. We're done with this shit.
Walking back to the barn:
Bobby: I want to go on the trails.
Me: Ok. Let's go.
Bobby: Well....no, I don't want to go. I want to go back to the barn. I did enough work today.
Me: You're the one that just tried to dive down the trail head.
Bobby: I was just kidding. Go fetch me some cookies.