Monday, June 10, 2013


What is it with eventers now saying dressage "Dress-ahhhhge"? I thought pretentious dressage people only said it that way. Or perhaps I'm just a redneck that says it "Dress-ahge". Why does it sound like two different words all of the sudden? Does that make any sense? Is anyone else feeling me on this conundrum? I'm literally blown away by this. But then, I live in a very small world.

So anyway.

Despite having an awesome weekend where I magically blew out the rear window in my car by casually throwing dog leashes into the back seat (just call me She Man) and was quoted a $500 fix by SafeLite who will be visiting me on Friday, I thought I should go ahead and enter a dressage show.

that's right. i'm now rocking the plastic window for the rest of the week.

It's a local show about half an hour from the barn. It's small, and it's only $20 a test. I think it will be a great, cheap way to get Bobby out and about to work on his uncalled-for tension. I also think it will be good for him to suck it up and do more than one test in a row instead of being a llama and then getting rewarded with jumping. So that will be next Sunday doing First 1-3. I somehow convinced Sarah to join me in this endeavor.

As such, I figured I better take a looksie at the tests. I pretty much just threw down test 1 when I got to the first real movement. "The fuck is this S shape shit at X? Oh, well. See you in September, stupid test." I am a good planner. After reading through the whole test today, I realized it was almost identical to the USEA Training A and it wasn't a complicated test in the slightest.

I took Robert down to the indoor since it was pouring rain (as opposed to....?) and after chatting with N, we set out at the walk. We did a lot of lateral work with the dressage whip to wake Bobby up and then moved on to the trot. Bobby decided that he's really meant to be more of a swimming horse than a dressage horse. In the case of there not being any water, just revert back to being a racehorse.

"i'm doing dressage!"

I was all, "Whatevs, Bobby. My elbows are bent, my hands are up, and my core is trying to punch me in the face. Eventually you will cave." After doing half halts every other stride for what felt like an eternity, and not caving in my position at all, Bobby was finally like, "Maybe..... maybe I can stretch down a bit." And then he was rewarded by getting to walk and having the killer whip put away.

His trot was good after that and we did several trot-canter transitions until it was what I wanted. I was very proud of him for not blowing up while working through that as he usually hates quick transition work. Another walk break and we ran through a small arena version of First 1.

The first 15m circle was pretty awkward. It wasn't really 15m, and it wasn't really a circle. We turned in to come across the diagnol at the canter and Bobby was too confused.

Bobby: Flying change! WE'RE GOING TO DO A FLYING CHANGE!

Me: No, no, no. Come back down to the trot. No flying changes.

Bobby: OK! It's a simple change!

Me: No, just trot. Good pony. Er, but try to be a little straighter there, killer.

Bobby: I know this dressage test! We canter once we make it across instead!

Me: Nope. No, no. Just a little farther. Make it to C!

The 15m circle this direction was better, and coming off the lengthened canter set us up perfectly for the trot lengthening across the diagnol. Bobby flew across the ring. And not in a "Racing!" sort of way--in a "I'm a 17 hand Thoroughbred. Watch how massive I can make my stride!" way. A little half halt and he came almost back to the walk in the corner. Such a good pony. He loves his lengthenings now.

Depending on the weather tomorrow, he'll either get the day off or go for a trail ride in his newly arrive hackamore.

And one more dressage thing: How the hell do you wear underwear with white breeches?!


  1. I prefer to call it fancy horse prancing. And around here when I say that, people know exactly what discipline I'm talking about.

    That SUCKS about the rear window!

  2. I personally got behind the hoity-toity pronunciation ever since Steven Colbert did his hilarious dressage coverage last summer. Hoity-toity = hilarious. Makes me smile every time I say it.

    Tan thongs. It's the only way.

    Too bad about the window. Guess you gotta watch out for those dog leashes.

  3. Yep. Tan thong. Every thing else is nasty. Good luck at the show!

    And HOW did your window do that? It defies physics!

    1. RIGHT?! APPARENTLY there is a spot in your windshield that all you have to do is tap with a glass poker thing and it caves in the whole friggin' thing!!! So in case you ever come across someone stuck in their car, pop that baby in the corner and they're safe. Or just take your dogs for a ride.

  4. Uh... any underwear that doesn't include bright colors, flashy prints or obnoxious writing, throw a coat on and no one cares.

    I have yet to witness a Dressage Queen fall into a fit of vapors because of a panty line.

  5. Another vote for tan seamless thong, though I once forgot to pack one and had to, um, go without. It was either that or everyone was going to have a hard time seeing my awesome riding rather than the polka dots on my ass.

  6. I love your convos with Bobby :)

  7. Lol, as much as personally I find thongs implements of further torture while riding, its about the only way to not show in white breeches, or really any breeches. I wear boycuts when schooling, cause to me who cares about lines I don't wanna wash my breeches all the freaking time...

  8. Ditto the nude thong. It is the only way outside comando. I suppose you could get sme of the riding underwear and trying those? Maybe they wouldn't give off lines. Love the bobby talks as always.

  9. I never wear underwear under breeches hehe yea thats right.

    can you claim your windshield under your insurance??

    Dressidging (what my friend calls it) is fun! You guys will have a blast :p

    1. No glass coverage. It's a 12yo car that I got for free so all I have on it is the bare minimum. That's what I get for being cheap!

  10. That windshield incident sucks :( white breeches make the list of top 10 reasons I don't do dressage.

  11. It always makes me feel awkward when people are all like ' Oh, you do dress-aaaaahhhhhge'. No. It's dressage. Stop saying it so silly.

    As for white breeches.... commando. I don't do thongs.

  12. Sucks about the windshield! Looking forward to hearing about the dressage show - go Bobby!

  13. sheesh of course your belt would do that to your window!! boo!!


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