Wednesday, April 6, 2016

No in-between

My first ride back on Bobby after a brief three day vacation to recuperate from blunt force trauma to the head (There's nothing better for sleep than repeatedly getting your brain bashed around. I'd recommend it to everyone.) was THE. SHIT.

Like, what, bitches, who is this horse? Why are there so many commas in that last sentence? Who installed a brain in my horse's head? Why does he make such girlish squeals when longeing?

All important questions, but let's only focus on a couple things.

I was kind of disorganized Tuesday morning, running around trying to get barn chores done before the trees guys were supposed to take over the indoor to cut down all the trees along the back wall and ruining my chance at riding. Even though they were supposed to be there Monday. Even though they didn't even show up until 9:30 and then just left. Okay, bai I guess.

I threw Bobby on the longe, and the second I stepped away from him he went bucking and squealing off into Neverland. Okay bai, Bobby!

.02 seconds in.

He had a few stupids to get out, but overall he kept the flailing to his canter work just like under saddle. Yay, flailing and failing at the canter! It's not like that's a gait that's needed to dressage with.

Or jump with.

Or horse with.

flail central.

Once under saddle, I stuck to half-ish of the ring and got to work bringing Bobby up into my reins through my seat only. It was basically just all trotting on a circle. You know that whole "ride half halt to half halt" thing? You know that sorcery? Rebalance here, Bobby. Don't fall on your forehand. Slow your roll and keep the rhythm. Another rebalance.

Back and forth from left to right, but never doing anything more exciting than circling and half halting. As we went around, he slowly lifted himself and stretched himself out as he needed until finally he'd picked himself right up into a beautiful, swinging collected trot.

I asked for the left lead canter first. He stepped into it without any dramatics and was just as lovely and soft as he was at the trot. When I switched him to the right, we had to do several more laps of trot to bring the rhythm and relaxation back. When I asked for the right lead, he flung his head up before quietly carrying on for a lap. At the one lap mark, however, he tried to get stuck, but I just quietly closed my leg and pushed him on, and we didn't have any further issues.

I don't know if he's anticipating pain or a fight, but it's like he's waiting for something bad to happen and when it doesn't, he wants to make it happen himself. Not interested, Bobby. Carry on.

I praised the shit out of him and let him be done with nothing more exciting than that. It was a fucking awesome ride, and I thought for sure I'd found the magic recipe for Bobby warm up success.

i would have had new riding media this weekend, but you know, brain hurt.

Cue today. Today I went through Plans A, B, C, and D until finally settling on Plan Fine You Win I Quit Go Eat Some Hay And Get Bossed Around By Horses Twice Your Age.

Plan A: Get on the horse, warm up like the day before, watch sparkly butterflies float around my magic horse and be done.

We spent a half hour walking. I know it was a half an hour because it was the entire length of the lesson going on in the ring. I tried to trot. Really, I did. But Bobby wouldn't steer, and I felt like his front half and back half were in different counties.

Plan B: Chuck him on the longe. It worked so well yesterday after all.

He was quiet and lovely on the longe. No problems. I got back on and while I had more success getting him to lighten up, it was really just his front half participating. I don't know what the back half was doing. Partying in Ibiza like the cool kids, I guess.

Plan C: Draw reins.

Bobby was like, "Wellllll shit." and played along with actually connecting his two halves for awhile. His canter both directions was really good, but then I asked him to come back to trot and he was like, "Pass. And by pass I mean, Fuck you. Watch me kick the shit out of the wall and melt the fuck down because clearly my life is all slave labor and I'm revolting." I tried to work him through it by letting him stretch and reset, but he was donezo by then.

Plan D: Back on the longe you go, mother fucker!

Because I am ten thousand times meaner on the ground. Way to play yourself, fool. Now go do ten thousand trot-canter-trot transitions until you figure out how to horse again. All done? Yes, very pretty. Have some cookies. We accomplished nothing today.

here is a picture of the puppy making snow angels
because she's cute. 

Here's to tomorrow. Let it be zen and involving butterflies.


  1. Ahh plan D. Well, if nothing else plan D gave me a chuckle. Horses and their logic defy reason at times. Here's to tomorrow, his brain will be reset come tomorrow

  2. Bobby is a total nutjob, but you make reading about how bad he is extremely entertaining! Hopefully his brain re-installs overnight.

  3. hehe they sure like to pull some stuff on us eh? He just is keeping you on your toes ;)

  4. There's something in the air, I'm convinced. Nobody seems to be able to horse these last few days.

  5. Man, I SO had that ride on Saturday. Literally everything I tried, Tucker was like "NOPE CANNOT HORSE, DO NOT HORSE, WILL NOT HORSE." I eventually also opted for Plan Fine You Win Go Eat Some Hay. Sigh. My next ride was better? If that helps?

  6. I agree about there being something in the air. I had a great ride yesterday though so maybe there's still hope.

  7. Hahahaha, Oscar has that girl shriek going on too! Though usually when jumping after a long time out. I love it!

    Hoping for zen tomorrow, yikes your pony can be a handful!

  8. Hope your noggin is 100% and yes at least tomorrow is another day!

  9. Oh Bobbie... hoping for a zen ride tomorrow!

  10. That is many plans. Perhaps the brain will have reinstalled itself tomorrow?

  11. "Plan A: Get on the horse, warm up like the day before, watch sparkly butterflies float around my magic horse and be done"

    Love this idea. Mostly I get pissed off trolls waving clubs but one they will turn into butterflies. Right?

  12. Miles has not been horsing super well lately either. At this point, I think we are all sick and tired of cold weather and riding inside. FUCK YOU MOTHER NATURE. Fuck you.

  13. I hope Bobby finds his brains for your next ride. Naughty boy!

  14. I wonder where their brains go when they lose it


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