Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Welcome back, black stallion.

I have returned! Really I got back to New York Sunday night and went to see my horse on Monday, but I didn't have time to write about that first ride back. I was too busy unpacking all my Christmas lights and then feeling sad I didn't have enough to decorate the house the way I wanted to. That would involve about fifty more boxes of lights which seemed slightly outlandish. Going to put that on hold until next year, but it will be done.

Look out, neighbors. We are going to light the entire block next year!


puppies celebrate decorating the tree at my mom's.

I usually do my goals on the first of the month, but my mule beast has been such a tool about standing not looking like a mule beast for conformation pictures when I have no one to hold him that I decided to wait until this weekend to have Hubby help.

Plus that will give me time to actually come up with real goals.

Right. Goals. Focus. Not getting distracted by how nice the weather has been and spend every ride outside on the trails.

Anyway, the report from BM when I got back was good. Bobby didn't maim himself and only half assed tried to kill people by going "airborne while leading across the driveway." Bobbys do what Bobbys want, it can't be helped.

bobby's destroy their boots by stepping on themselves
while violently flailing about like colossal assholes.

I went to get him out of the paddock once I'd dropped off my SmartPak and filled my pockets with cookies. His turn out buddy, who is a grouchy old fuck face that hates everyone, saw me coming and walked over to get caught (we had a go-round when they first started going out together about not running away and trying to kick me...) and get his candy (...which was solved through food bribery.).

My horse, my partner in all athletic endeavors, the one who carries me fearlessly over giant cross country jumps and is brave AF in all new situations because we have each other's backs, stood there like a giant donkey and refused to budge even though he hadn't seen me in a week.

 Pretty sure he loves me.

Pretty sure that's just a minute and a half video showing how telescopic my horse's giant fucking ears are.

We went right out onto the trails because I knew he was going to be stupid, and I didn't want to fight about it in the ring. He was very stupid. He spent the whole ride jigging, llama-ing, and snorting when not actively spooking at things. Of course, the one time we came across something genuinely spooky--a brand new ground blind tucked into a bend in the trail--he turned an ear towards it before continuing to trot by without another look.

And then went flying sideways five steps later when a leaf blew into his face.

i'm not saying he's the smartest horse in the world,
but i dare you to show me another.

I let him do his thing and be an idiot. He hadn't been ridden in a week, and honestly, Bobby spooking isn't really all that impressive. He gets to have fun and be a fruit cake every now and then.

We finally made it into the indoor to finish the ride. He had a hump in his back and was taking short, quick steps at the trot, but once he got to blow around at the canter--and BM, who had been walking back and forth teaching a lesson, took cover behind a jump--his trot was much more relaxed and swinging.

look how giant this carrot is.

This morning I got there bright and early knowing I was going to have to dig out ye olde clippers again.

Again, I said.

This was the fourth time since October that he's been clipped. It's like he's willing winter to come by instantly growing back a full coat in under a week. Enjoy the fifty degree weather, dude. I don't get the rush.

To combat this absurdity, I pulled out my blades I reserve for his final spring clip where we're getting ready to compete. I took him down to soft, glossy skin.

actually he was dusty as shit and now looks like a zebra, but i was so annoyed at having
to clip him again that i didn't even care. he'll just grow it all back by tomorrow.

We took advantage of the jumps set up in the ring for our ride. There were two gates that I put a pole over to make 3' and I made a big X. His flat work warming up was heavy and resistant, but I eventually got him going around pretty respectably and we began.

The first jump over one of the verticals was good, and so was the next one. After that, he started building speed as he went. When he takes over and goes, he gets a great distance every time, but it's a flat, ugly jump. He's like a steeplechaser which is really not what we're going for in stadium.

bobby's mantra.

I've felt like such a boss trainer/responsible rider these past couple months. I've really worked on pushing Bobby for more correct work and not letting the stupid shit he does slide by. Today was no different. Instead of doing a few more jumps where he was fast and flat and not listening but getting a good distance and quitting, I broke down each jump into its own game plan.

For the vertical on the diagonal off the left lead, we were able to canter up to it. I gave him several really strong half halts with my shoulders and held to the base to make sure he did the same instead of giving up and letting him take over the last few strides. In response, he kept a collected, sane canter and gave me a really good jump every time.

For the vertical on the straight away off the right lead, the canter wasn't happening. Instead, I brought him back to the trot and made him listen that way. Trotting jumps has been harder for me in the past, but we were gelling this time around and once again we made it to the base every time to get a really good jump out.

The X on the other diagonal was just as easy after doing those two big jumps first. He trotted calmly in and cantered calmly away. Good, britches.

naked britches hates his life.

We finished with some really good, uphill trot work before I once again blanketed the shit out of him and chucked him outside in the rain.

And Mr Tappy? He was along for the ride on Monday and kept getting switched from hand to hand. Robert didn't give him a second thought our entire ride.


  1. lolz bobby is oh so heart warming, per usual :)

  2. Miles got 5 days off and said thank you by ripping TWO bell boots completely in half.

  3. I yearn for the day when Fiction doesn't bat an eye at the whip like Bobby ><

  4. Oh Bobbert. What are we going to do with you? Bald people would like to know your hair growing secrets.

  5. Bobby is seriously the equine version of the Dos Equis man, he's the most interesting horse in the world! Seriously though, can you do some Bobby as The Most Interesting Horse in the world memes? Those would be fucking hysterical!

    1. Not necessarily the "I don't always...." memes, but some about his incredible feats.

  6. Man, Bobs looks so svelte with all of his hair shaved off :)

    "Bobby's do what Bobby's want, it can't be helped." LOLZ

  7. 1. Your poor dogs.
    2. That carrot is ginormous.
    3. I'm with Jodi. We need some Bobby memes.

  8. Yes, all the memes! For some reason until today I read 'Mr. Tappy' as 'Mr. Trappy' and for the life of me couldn't figure out why the whip was called Mr. Trappy, possibly time for some glasses.

  9. Bobby is hilarious. RUN WITH ENTHUSIASM AND GUSTO.

  10. I'm so, so glad that I'm not the only one who's already had to clip a second time and was so annoyed that I didn't do a good job. My pony looks more like an appy than a zebra though haha

  11. Holy cow! I thought Tucker was bad needing 2 clips since October. I do not envy you!

  12. Hahahaha love the dogs! They look so happy!
    Love the meme!!!

  13. That is an impressive amount of hair. Yikes. Glad you turned your ride around and made it good. Training ftw!


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