Monday, September 7, 2015

Brain melt.

What is with the fall spirit that has suddenly overtaken everyone and everything? Did I miss this memo? I know western New York missed the memo. It's been in the mid-nineties with approximately ten thousand million percent humidity for the past, oh, I don't know, forever. I will take your way-too-early Halloween candy, but I will throw that PSL in your fucking face if you get too close to me.

Bobby has had two rides since our lesson Friday--one on Sunday, and a super short jump school first thing this morning. This ridiculous heat is supposed to break Thursday, so that's probably the next time he'll get ridden.

let's be honest. from this distance my horse looks so pretty.

I'm disappointed that once again competition plans are getting foiled. There's a jumper derby the first weekend of October that I really wanted to do as one last hurrah just to say I finished out the season on my own terms, but at this point I don't think it would be fair to enter Bobby. It's been too hot to jump more than three or four times a ride, and while the dude is pretty much automatic over fences in wide open spaces, I would like to be more prepared.

But it is so fucking hot.

I retreated to the shade and open air of the front field for a flat school Sunday. I'll admit I was discouraged as we started out. I was trying to repeat my ride from my lesson, but my horse was not feeling it. Llama? Check. Race around inverted and strung out? Double fucking check.

"omg, look at me. look at me be the best racing llama that ever did live."
However, I took a quick mental time out, ripped my phone off my arm because having things touch me when I'm hot and bordering on pissy is guaranteed to send me into a rage, and then got back to work.

dear shade, i don't care if you make the picture dark. you are my bitch lover.

I was quiet but persistent. This is what I want, Bobby. There is no other answer than to do what I am asking you. Slow your feet, slow your brain, and let's get down to business.....


Sorry. Pretty sure it's impossible not to finish that phrase with anything other than Mulan.

Anyway, as if sensing I wasn't going to just let him fuck around and do his own thing for the next thirty minutes, Bobby did in fact get down to business.

next step: lift my own shoulders.

And he proceeded to put in some of the best trot work of his little pony life. It didn't last long because he's not strong enough to carry fancy for more than a couple minutes at a time, and it was so hot that I wasn't able to sit the trot for more than a couple minutes at a time without wanting to lean forward and vomit down my horse's shoulder, but it happened.

my replacement phone is cheap (i love you and miss you, iphone!), and it makes
the pictures come out in this weird format. not digging it, but it's better than nothing.

The canter wasn't quite so hot. Perhaps if the stallion hadn't spent quite so much time angling towards every cross country fence in a ten mile radius it would have been better. As it was...

left: acceptable. also, we have made it past that jump, so we're momentarily sane.


This morning's ride was not a linear follow up. Hubby and I fixed the jump I crashed into last weekend, so I got on my horse a full half an hour later than I had the day before. Want to know what that means? That means 85* at NINE IN THE FUCKING MORNING instead of only 80*. There's a difference, believe you me.

I straight up said fuck it to the flat work. How much warm up did my horse's muscles really need? Mine were already melting off my fucking body.

80* flat work in the shade.

85* flat work in the sun. 

I had set up a simple two stride line using the only jumps in the outdoor. It was an X to a 3'-ish oxer. I set the distance a hair tight so that someone would be discouraged to race though it. I didn't need to worry though. Bobby has been super in his few abbreviated jump schools lately. He's even been doing them in a snaffle which has been downright impossible in the past. It's probably because his brain is literally getting melted as we work.

Despite throwing away the warm up, I did make sure we had a good, strong canter coming into the line. I had a really good ride last week where I worked him over a raised pole and focused one hundred percent on his canter. When I felt I got it right, I took him over a 3' skinny. It was great to feel how that perfect canter made a tricky jump very easy, and a bad canter made a simple pole very hard.


We came through the line a whopping four times before I called it quits. Bobby did nothing wrong over the jumps, I saw my distances, and I was too hot to fix the mess on landing. See, I had this brilliant idea I'd throw in an auto release in an attempt to stop from laying on my horse's neck mid-crest release. Turns out, I can still do both!

omg stahp.

Also, I would not count just dropping the contact as an auto release. Also also, when you do lose all contact with your horse's mouth over the fence and have a propensity to lean to the right which just so happens to be your horse's current weak impossible-to-canter-on side, he lands in a giant heap and has no idea what the fuck is going on in his life for the next five strides. Return of the racing llama? You bet your lady balls.

Whatever. It's too hot to care. I'll fix it later.


  1. it's been nearly 100 here and so much humidity. i was going to ride today but ughhhhhh.

    also, i totally sang that even before I had finished reading that you added the song lines. #disneynerd

  2. I'm sorry that it's so hot (it's hot here too) but this post is epic.

    And there is no other way to finish that sentence with "to defeat the Huns." Your Mulan references are on point.

  3. It's been extremely hot here too and I had to laugh when I saw that McDonalds had their pumpkin spice latte on the menu again. Because upper 90s with upper 80%s humidity screams for a nice hot pumpkin spice drink.

  4. I can't handle the heat either....isn't it supposed to be fall?!

  5. he looks great in those photos!!! hopefully the weather breaks soon - i think we're supposed to have a cold front come through down here this weekend, so maybe things will change for you too?? seriously tho i think you should totally do the jumper derby, it sounds so fun!

  6. Yes, this heat has made me want to pass out. Kudos for getting out there and braving it all to work hard. I'm pretty certain we are not going to move beyond a walk today.

  7. That heat sounds awful. Not jealous.

  8. OMG IT'S SO FREAKIN' HOT HERE TOO. And thanks for getting that song from Mulan stuck in my head for the rest of eternity.

  9. It's friggin hot here too at the moment. I can't.

  10. Ewww. Stupid heat. Nobody likes you. Go away!
    But dressage Bobby is lovely, even when llama-ing.

  11. Y'all would not like Texas. I also bet Bobby would be very skilled at defeating the huns.

  12. I never noticed how leggy Bobby is!


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