Brain melt.

What is with the fall spirit that has suddenly overtaken everyone and everything? Did I miss this memo? I know western New York missed the memo. It's been in the mid-nineties with approximately ten thousand million percent humidity for the past, oh, I don't know, forever. I will take your way-too-early Halloween candy, but I will throw that PSL in your fucking face if you get too close to me.

Bobby has had two rides since our lesson Friday--one on Sunday, and a super short jump school first thing this morning. This ridiculous heat is supposed to break Thursday, so that's probably the next time he'll get ridden.

let's be honest. from this distance my horse looks so pretty.

I'm disappointed that once again competition plans are getting foiled. There's a jumper derby the first weekend of October that I really wanted to do as one last hurrah just to say I finished out the season on my own terms, but at this point I don't think it would be fair to enter Bobby. It's been too hot to jump more than three or four times a ride, and while the dude is pretty much automatic over fences in wide open spaces, I would like to be more prepared.

But it is so fucking hot.

I retreated to the shade and open air of the front field for a flat school Sunday. I'll admit I was discouraged as we started out. I was trying to repeat my ride from my lesson, but my horse was not feeling it. Llama? Check. Race around inverted and strung out? Double fucking check.

"omg, look at me. look at me be the best racing llama that ever did live."

However, I took a quick mental time out, ripped my phone off my arm because having things touch me when I'm hot and bordering on pissy is guaranteed to send me into a rage, and then got back to work.

dear shade, i don't care if you make the picture dark. you are my bitch lover.

I was quiet but persistent. This is what I want, Bobby. There is no other answer than to do what I am asking you. Slow your feet, slow your brain, and let's get down to business.....

OMG TO DEFEAT THE HUNS.

Sorry. Pretty sure it's impossible not to finish that phrase with anything other than Mulan.

Anyway, as if sensing I wasn't going to just let him fuck around and do his own thing for the next thirty minutes, Bobby did in fact get down to business.

next step: lift my own shoulders.

And he proceeded to put in some of the best trot work of his little pony life. It didn't last long because he's not strong enough to carry fancy for more than a couple minutes at a time, and it was so hot that I wasn't able to sit the trot for more than a couple minutes at a time without wanting to lean forward and vomit down my horse's shoulder, but it happened.

my replacement phone is cheap (i love you and miss you, iphone!), and it makes
the pictures come out in this weird format. not digging it, but it's better than nothing.

The canter wasn't quite so hot. Perhaps if the stallion hadn't spent quite so much time angling towards every cross country fence in a ten mile radius it would have been better. As it was...

left: acceptable. also, we have made it past that jump, so we're momentarily sane.

right: JUMP AHEAD. OMG I CAN'T EVEN BALANCE RIGHT NOW, BUT JUMP!!

This morning's ride was not a linear follow up. Hubby and I fixed the jump I crashed into last weekend, so I got on my horse a full half an hour later than I had the day before. Want to know what that means? That means 85* at NINE IN THE FUCKING MORNING instead of only 80*. There's a difference, believe you me.

I straight up said fuck it to the flat work. How much warm up did my horse's muscles really need? Mine were already melting off my fucking body.

80* flat work in the shade.

85* flat work in the sun. 

I had set up a simple two stride line using the only jumps in the outdoor. It was an X to a 3'-ish oxer. I set the distance a hair tight so that someone would be discouraged to race though it. I didn't need to worry though. Bobby has been super in his few abbreviated jump schools lately. He's even been doing them in a snaffle which has been downright impossible in the past. It's probably because his brain is literally getting melted as we work.

Despite throwing away the warm up, I did make sure we had a good, strong canter coming into the line. I had a really good ride last week where I worked him over a raised pole and focused one hundred percent on his canter. When I felt I got it right, I took him over a 3' skinny. It was great to feel how that perfect canter made a tricky jump very easy, and a bad canter made a simple pole very hard.

#learning.

We came through the line a whopping four times before I called it quits. Bobby did nothing wrong over the jumps, I saw my distances, and I was too hot to fix the mess on landing. See, I had this brilliant idea I'd throw in an auto release in an attempt to stop from laying on my horse's neck mid-crest release. Turns out, I can still do both!

omg stahp.

Also, I would not count just dropping the contact as an auto release. Also also, when you do lose all contact with your horse's mouth over the fence and have a propensity to lean to the right which just so happens to be your horse's current weak impossible-to-canter-on side, he lands in a giant heap and has no idea what the fuck is going on in his life for the next five strides. Return of the racing llama? You bet your lady balls.

Whatever. It's too hot to care. I'll fix it later.

It's always better with an accent

I took my first NY lesson this morning. I am horrible at writing up cohesive, thought provoking lesson recaps (and ride recaps....and really posts in general), but I did want to prove that I rode with a trainer.

I know some of you think I am against this. That is false information. I am all for spending even more money of my horse/myself in regards to my horse in every aspect. However, I have zero tolerance for paying people for bad service. Money is tight, yo. Only the best get it.

Also Tractor Supply gets it. They just get all of it. I'm pretty sure I keep them afloat with the amount of fly spray and dog bones I buy from them. But that is not even remotely relevant to this post.

not from today. no phone = no new media. hoping to remedy that this weekend.

My instructor is a R judge (read Megan's post on dressage judge levels because she is more brilliant than I am). She's eighty years old, about five feet tall, and speaks with a British accent. She is, in a word, saucy, so here are my takeaways from our first "getting to know you" ride:

• This horse has no topline. He's just walking around, perfectly pleasant, in his own world. "Oh, I'm a horse. Being a horse is wonderful."
• I see he's wearing a Micklem bridle. Now there's nothing wrong with the design, it's quite alright, but there is one serious problem with them. Their leather is cheap trash. It doesn't affect the horse, but still.
• Stop dancing around with your elbows. Bring them back. Your hands and your forearms belong to the the horse. Your elbows and your shoulders belong to your back.
• Slow down. Slow the tempo. Much slower. Even slower than that. Slow him down again. He's just running off his feet. 
• If you put your head on top of your shoulders, that will be a very elegant picture indeed.
• I don't really care about the canter. You either have a good canter or you don't. We're always looking to improve the horse's trot and walk. An elevated trot is going to make every other gait better.
• Don't ever buy a horse that someone has told you has had a lot of training if he still has a dip in his withers. He's going to be a very spooky horse. He's too busy spooking to listen to the rider and lift all the way up and through to his poll. 
• Oh, my. You're a very good rider. (I feel the need to include this because it was followed shortly by...)
• Now don't let him pop his head up. Let's see if we can get him to going around not looking like a browsing animal. Oh, no. Just come back to sitting trot. That's no good. (This for the right lead canter which we've done approximately three times since he's been back in work.)
• When he softens and rounds up, don't reward him by giving away the contact. That's not rewarding. That's teaching him all he has to do is drop his nose for a second and go back to walking like a giraffe. Just follow with your hands and carry on.
• He uses his diaphragm very well. Not all horses do. Once he gains muscle, he's going to have a very easy time lifting his back.  
• I don't like to pat my horses. I give them a scratch on the withers, otherwise you're losing contact. 
• Forty five minutes of this four or five days a week is just what he needs. In three months, you should be in a very good spot.
• A good riding horse is one that's solid through Second Level. Likewise, a good event horse should be solid through Preliminary. It's alright to play around at these lower levels, but a well rounded horse should be aiming higher. Strive to get to those levels.

that is no optical illusion. he really is the longest cookie monster you've ever seen.

We didn't do too much. She was told right from the outset that Bobby is coming back off an injury and he's not fit. Since I've been walking for a good twenty minutes to start and then a few minutes of canter to warm up before we even start with real work, Bobby wasn't exactly a shining star. He takes a long time to warm up, and it was a little embarrassing that he went full on llama for most of the ride. 

Still, I did get some good stuff out of her. She gave me homework (a necessity from anyone I ride with), and she found a way to compliment both myself and my horse while still critiquing. She's also in my price range for lessons, so I will be riding again with her next week. I doubt I'll be able to afford weekly lessons, but I'm hopeful this can be a semi-regular occurrence.

An Open Letter to Horse People

Dear Horse People,

What is it with you? Why is it you feel the need to voice your opinion on everything?

LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

Let me dole out advice about your riding, your horse, you horse's rehab program, your tack, your trainer, your lack of trainer, your barn, the underwear you chose to ride in today.

That bit is too harsh. Why aren't you using a french link? That nut cracker action is abuse. Are you riding with only one rein? Two reins! TWO REINS ALWAYS!!!!

Are those side reins? I hope you only had them on for approximately .02 seconds. Really, you shouldn't be longeing your horse at all. It is so bad for your horse's joints, and really, it does nothing anyway.

WAIT.

Your horse was feeling fresh? Why didn't you longe her first? Don't upset Precious Pookie by riding her down. Do you know how bad that is for her joints?

Are those draw reins? There is never a place for draw reins. Be right back. I have to go call PETA.

P.S. If those aren't (insert current trendiest brand) breeches, I am judging you. Also, even though those are (insert current trendiest brand) breeches, all they're doing is showing that you're too heavy to ride your horse. Adding that to my PETA complaint.

You can call it expressing your opinion, and clearly that gives you a pass. But there's telling someone what you think, and then there's just being rude. Listen, if you have something to say and there's this little nagging feeling in the back of your mind like maybe that person will be vastly offended, hurt, or insulted (Do you get that feeling? Maybe that's the problem here.), try just nodding and smiling instead. We are horse people. We are plenty. Turn to your left and vent to the equally as gossipy and opinionated person there if you really must. Be petty among yourselves. That's what texting is for. Don't make it a game to bring everyone around you down.

If no one is being put in danger, if that single jointed loose ring with no rubber bit guards is not about to rip apart the corner of the horse's mouth, or that rider's perfectly serviceable Troxel isn't actually making your eyes bleed because it's not a custom (insert current trendiest brand) helmet, or--God forbid--someone is doing Natural Horsemanship but the horse doesn't actually appear distressed in any way, try this tactic instead:

Shut the fuck up.

Or this one: Have some fucking tact.

Or even: Try being nice to people.

Not everyone appreciates that you were "just trying to point something out."

There are horse people that live with the mindset of, "I KNOW THIS AND I KNOW YOU KNOW IT TOO BUT I'M NOT GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT BECAUSE I KNOW THIS BETTER LET ME KEEP TELLING YOU HOW MUCH I KNOW ABOUT THIS."

I think it's great when horse people offer advice, when they're able to give really helpful, inspiring words of encouragement. I don't think it's so great when horse people completely disregard a person's feelings just so said horse person can express their own.

No apologies for this rant. Everyone stop being such bitches.

Love,

Carly

September Goals

I didn't make any August goals, and I'm not even sure if I made any July goals. But I'm back in the attack mindset--or at least I've started being in that mindset the past week or so--so I really want to give myself a couple of definitive things to work on.

Focus. It's what's for dinner.

And breakfast. And lunch. Because focus is for champions!

Also it's just for me when I'm riding because I've already wandered off twice writing this post to get some packages from the UPS man and restock my pile of Tootsie Rolls. Focus and candy--it's what I'm eating around here.

bobby started looking a little bleh at the last barn, and then he lost a lot of conditioning
being lame, but with a different diet and coming back into steady work, he's looking better.

September Goals:

1. Take two lessons, or...

2. Take one lesson and send in a show entry. I already have one lesson scheduled for Friday. Depending on the finances (as always), I'd really like to do the jumper derby the first weekend of October. Both cost the same, one just includes gas to trailer out.

3. Jump a full course. The other deciding factor for the previous two goals is whether or not we can successfully get this done in relatively short order. "Successfully" being the key word there.

4. Up the work load and expectations for Bobby. He's getting stronger every day, and every day he comes out a little bit better. I need to keep pushing forward instead of resting on good enough. All without hurting the delicate flower's feelings of course.

We're ready to keep pushing for rock star status. Or at least competent and sound status.

TNEC Intro Hunter Pace

Sunday was a small hunter pace held at my barn. They do one of these about once a month in the summer. They're short, easy, and a good intro to horses that don't usually get out over terrain or see natural jumps. I hadn't originally planned on taking Bobby out for it because we have these jumps available to us whenever we want to use them, but barn friend A and I decided at last minute we'd toodle around for funsies.

pics from the pace haven't been posted yet, so have some saturday riding ones instead

It almost instantly turned into a comedy of errors on our ride, and when we finally crossed the finish line and stopped for the BO to get a picture, instead of calling out the requisite "Ponies!", I  heartily yelled out, "This was the worst hunter pace everrrrrr!"

But at least I wasn't the one that was carted off in the ambulance.

A and I had agreed to meet towards the end of the ride so that everyone that was trailering in would have already headed out. A has a green OTTB that has done approximately zero things besides race, and the initial plan was to take him out there and let him follow easy peasy Mr Magee around. If he jumped some tiny logs, great. If he flipped out, no problem. We'd just head back.

just before dropping my stirrups because 2 weeks in a dressage saddle made me
forget how to flat in a jump saddle.

As I was hanging out in the barn waiting for A to arrive, someone came running in from the front field where the pace started looking for BM. One of the riders had fallen and wasn't getting up. Fortunately, one of the barn girls' mom is a nurse, so she hustled out there to assess the situation while BM and BO were located and brought the Gator out.

Then we start hearing screaming, and the girl's horse gets brought back on foot with her partner who informs us the ambulance has been called as it looks like K has broken her leg. Turns out K jumped ahead, the horse got pissed and bucked on landing, and K fell off landing in what must have been the most awkward way possible.

It was not the most comfortable wait ever for those of us back at the barn as we kept hearing poor K screeching whenever the EMT did anything to her, but they finally put her out and got her loaded up to head to the hospital.

I swear we all felt really bad for her, but in typical horse girl fashion, we were also like, "BM isn't going to tell the last of us we can't go now, is she?" Because when someone breaks their leg falling off a horse in front of you, obviously you want to get right back in the saddle and go jump some jumps.

much more comfortable!

At that point, A arrived and the three remaining groups decided we'd get tacked up and go for it.

A's horse, History, has a really great brain and despite being a little wide eyed, he walked and trotted around pretty sanely. His canter looked a little more fun, and A immediately lamented her lack of a martingale, but warm up was contained for both of us.

Bobby and I hopped over a few of the bigger jumps in the front field while A trotted History around some more. Bobby was being a really good boy. I was jumping him in just his Happy Mouth snaffle and he wasn't bowling through it which was a nice change.

Then I brought him around to the 3' brush box. The thing's a little sketch, but we've jumped it before with no problem. We cantered up to it confidently, I saw a perfectly acceptable distance and since Bobby had been there with me for all the other jumps, I thought we were for sure going for it. At the last second, Bobby added a half step, started to jump, and then must have felt me up his neck too much (I guess?) and threw on the brakes as he was already halfway over the fence.

Obviously that meant he landed on the fence and brought the whole thing down. I was thrown up onto Bobby's head, and thought I was going to be able to save it when he jumped back, but he lurched a little too hard and I slow motioned rolled over his head onto the fence.

I immediately jumped up with nothing more than a little dirt of my breeches and elbow, and started after my horse who was walking calmly back to the barn.

Best part of this?

I got it on helmet cam!

Bobby continued to meander away, but he calmly stopped when I jogged a few steps to catch up to him and grab my poor dragging bridle. Aside from one of the straps on his RF open front boot ripping, nothing else was harmed. BM caught me in the act of bridling Bobby back up, and when she walked over, A and I were like, "We didn't want you to see us! We figured you were going to make everyone just get the fuck off and go home for the day!"

No harm done though as I'm not even a touch sore today. Bobby and I jumped one more jump in that field just to say we did it without dying, and then the four of us hustled out of there to finish the pace.

Both boys were really good as we trotted most of the rest of the way before stopping in one of the fields so I could get some video of A taking History over his first real cross country fence. He was a total rock star, and before heading back to the barn, we stopped for a quick trip into the pond.

I pulled my phone arm band off to grab a few more pictures, and then held it in one hand while turning Bobby around to get him out of the water. Once out, I went to put my arm band back on only to discover it was empty. My brand new iphone had abandoned ship somewhere in the murky water.

A and I jumped off and searched through all the grass hoping it had fallen on the shore instead, but definitely not. We left it there to wait for the water to clear to come back and look for it.

This is why Carly can't have nice things. Ever.

don't take technology near water. you'd think that would be a given.

There were a few more jumps we could have gone over to finish, but at that point we just strolled the rest of the way in an attempt to keep anything else bad from happening. After we took care of the ponies, A and I headed back out for phone recovery.

I waded in all the way up to my thighs in nasty pond scum, but no phone to be found. As I was trudging out, about two inches from shore, I saw the corner of my Ravens case poking out from weeds. The water was just deep enough to cover the whole fucking phone of course, and the thing is dead, but at least I found it. It's currently sitting in a tub of rice, but my hopes for it ever turning on again are pretty much nonexistent.

Needless to say, Bobby gets today off.

every day leg doctoring. also, don't believe those ribs. 

In my quest to dominate the shit out of all things riding and up our game, I have a lesson with a dressage trainer and R judge Friday morning. She's my BM's regular trainer, and I like the way all of BM's horses go. I plan on lessoning with BM too, it's just a matter of finances. BM also said that there's a H/J trainer she uses that sometimes comes up for lessons that I would probably be interested in once Bobby's fit enough to do a jumping lesson.

Fuck yeah, opportunities! Now to win the lottery....

Work Harder, Get Better.

Warning: Deep thoughts ahead.

can you feel the brain hurt?

As has been glaringly obvious--at least to me, having to live through it on the daily, but I also think it's come through on the blog (Remember when I used to be funny? REMEMBER THAT?!)--this move to New York has not been my idea of a good time.

I had to leave an area I was familiar with and really loved. I had to give up my main support system: those friends who I have a lot of history with and, to keep this blog related, were familiar with the full story of me and my horse's partnership.

The barn I initially moved to was a wash. I drive by there occasionally and there's still never anyone there. It's a beautiful place, but it never would have worked for us. On the flip side, when I pull into Bobby's current home, there are people around, they're friendly, they say hi, they feed Bobby snacks because everyone that doesn't have to ride my horse loves him. Still, I feel like I'm struggling to fit in a little bit and find my place.

Being at a new barn, you're introducing your horse to people who have probably never seen him go before. When I initially looked at this place, I told the BM that Bobby and I were solid at Novice. The dressage was good; we probably weren't going to need a lot of help with that for where we are now. He schools 3'-3'6" at home without much issue, but what I really wanted to get help with was producing hunter-like rounds for a move up to Training in short order.

Then I came in with a horse in desperate need of chiropractic work, and he promptly got injured on top of that.

Now that he's back in work and I'm doing really top notch things like riding with other people, I end up scrambling to try to talk my horse up whenever they comment on him.

"The lateral work on Bobby is so easy. He was even starting to learn canter half pass when we moved because he was getting so confirmed with the trot half pass."

"His lengthenings? Wow. This horse has reach."

"His changes around a course are usually one hundred percent auto."

And then my weak, not far from crippled horse can barely hold himself up on a 20m circle and they just look at you like, "Sure your horse does dressage, Carly.

At Intro.

And not well."

Meanwhile, I haven't moved on from the walk for the past thirty minutes because I can feel that my horse is looking for any excuse to blow the fuck up, and if he hears one more horse get popped with a whip he's going to literally die. Forget trying to explain that to a new barn that only knows your dopey, sweet creature on the ground where he does no wrong. "Your horse throws tantrums. Right. What does he do? Step sideways? Do his ears fall over even more than they already do?"

It's hard riding at such a remedial level when you're surrounded by advanced riders on beautifully trained horses, especially when you know you're sitting on a horse just as capable. Deep down, I understand it's not a fair comparison at this point. My horse is currently physically incapable of performing at his usual level.

It's hard not to feel like I have to prove myself to those around me though, to show off everything Bobby can do. He rides, he drives, he does western, eventing, straight dressage, we've gone to hunter shows, he trail rides, he ponies, he rocks the shit out of a wig and a tiara....

There's no reason to have to prove myself. I know what my horse can do. I know that eventually he'll be strong enough to get even better than he was before. However, that's a lot easier to say than to embrace in real life.

Part of the hang up is how much I'm riding the "I LOATHE New York" attitude train. Any excuse to get depressed about something and blame it on the move is my life right now. And I don't know if I'm projecting the same attitude onto my horse, but he hasn't seemed like the same dude I had one state down. His personality has just seemed muted these past few months.

He's had a big change himself. He went from being inside seven hours a day for a quick nap and unlimited hay in front of his face with the rest of his day and night spent on a rolling twelve acres with three mellow as shit horses and tons of grass to graze on, to ten-ish hours a day inside with one feeding of hay in the morning only to get chucked out into a small, flat dry lot with another pile of hay and one grouchy ass old gelding for company.

He's not moving around in turnout as much, he's not getting that never-ending forage, he's not out on hills to help his weak hind end out, and there's no defined schedule at this barn for anything.

New York sucks.

As far as the whole riding plan and making goals and fuck yeah let's plan for the future where fun things are abound goes...

New York attitude: THERE IS NO FUTURE BECAUSE JUST BECAUSE.

I feel like every time I make a plan to move up to Training, I get blocked. No, wait. I don't feel that this is the issue. This is what is happening. Bobby and I are Training blocked.

Send in entry? BAM, show gets cancelled.

Fill out substitute entry? BAM, horse goes lame.

Plan on next one? BAM, NOTHING IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN JUST MOVE YOUR HORSE FAR AWAY FROM ANY SORT OF EVENTING CIVILIZATION.

There are so few horse trials in this area that you blink and you've missed the entire season. My horse went lame at the worst time. Eventing is one hundred percent done here at this point. There are no more horse trial options.

I keep trying to tell myself that signing off on the rest of the year again is fine. We'll get it next year! But for fuck's sake, I am so over having that be my end of the season mantra. How many years am I going to keep repeating the same cycle?

New York attitude: Our eventing career is over. We're never going to be able to do another event or horse show ever again because this state is a black hole for dreams and life and unicorns.

Reality: It's time to re-evaluate my goals and figure out what the real underlying problem is.

If a prompt move up to Training is what I'm really serious about, then that needs to be my one and only focus. I need to block out everything else and start laying out a plan that reads more like a job, a serious goal, instead of a fun hobby.

It's time to get real, bitches.

Real serious.

I've already instigated this practice in my past few rides after driving home over the weekend and bawling my eyes out because of everything I've already over-shared above. First step? Refusing to get off and quit until I can put my horse away knowing I've accomplished something during that ride.

I'm ignoring my completely unnecessary and thoroughly unhinged competitive side and focusing on what my horse can do right now and how I can not only work to bring him back to where he was, but how I can make him even better than before.

This still involves a lot of walking. In fact, to the right, all it involves is walking. But I'm making sure that walk is ramrod straight, the turns are square, the back is up, the hind end is engaged, and someone's large mule head isn't staring at things in the distance.

To the left, right now he's going better with a canter before attempting the trot. The canter is really coming along beautifully. It's by far the best thing he's got going for him right now by some random miracle.

The trot work is a process. My mantra for every ride right now is just Trot It Out. I'm working really, really hard to not pull at all. This is SO HARD for me, but the cure is to just trot until Bobby starts looking for the bit on his own. The first day I thought I was going to drop of exhaustion by the time we got there. The second day it was only five minutes before he was reaching for the contact.

We follow all that--no matter if it takes an hour and a half to get there or thirty minutes--with a walk on the trails and a strong canter around the big field out back.

We're going to get there. It's just going to be slow, and I have to come to grips with that. The silver lining is that with my new-found ultra focus, we are not going to be Training blocked next year. We are moving up, we're going to be prepared, and we're going to be very good.

I don't need to compare myself to others. I don't need to make excuses to myself for why I'm doing something other people would do differently. No one else is riding my horse. No one else knows him like I do. Everyone's situation is different. It's up to me, and only me, to get where I want to be.

WW: Barn Tour

Because it's hot, and humid, and the stallion has the day off, I figured there was no better time to give you guys a tour of my new-ish barn! Also because neither the BO or BM creep me out by being in their presence (coughlastbarncough), and I finally have barn friends, I plan on being here for my NY duration.

Which will not be permanent.

But anyway....

the boarders' tack room. my trunk is the open monstrosity.

lesson horse tack room, bathroom, office.

feed room, tack rooms, and stalls to the right, indoor to the left.

the indoor, which is in the process of getting its footing reworked

front view of the barn from the driveway. 

outdoor

grazing brown beast between the outdoor and barn

bobby's paddock. all but 2 of the paddocks are dry lots which sucks, but pasture around
here is very hit or miss which we knew when we moved.
fortunately, the hay here is unbelievable quality. 

out to the trails

BO's house in the background.
you can also get to the trails from the driveway.

stalls. obvi.

eating brown beast in his stall. 

It's not the prettiest place, but it works for us!