Up, Sideways (Quickly), Up-ish

Sorry, just over here being the best at titling posts. It's a hard life, but someone's got to do it.

I've clocked three (well, four I guess if you count Sunday's trail ride) rides in on Robert this week with varied results. After having such shit goes on Bobby all last week that personal anxiety from other things in my life just got dumped over like a giant pile of nastiness, I won't say that the thought of selling this frustrating asshole of a horse didn't cross my mind.

Maybe more than once.

I usually go out to the barn first thing in the morning to ride, but instead spent most of Monday cooking and cleaning in a manic person frenzy. However, by the time four rolled around, I was like, "You know what? I really want to jump my horse. I'm having some rare positive juju about the experience roll through my head, so let's do it."

day three of turnout and the bows were still in.

I took my time once I got there and forced myself to remain in a very zen mindset. Calm thoughts, calm ride, right? Some sort of nonsense like that.

I put Bobby on the longe first in just his halter after spending a long time grooming him (and pulling out his bows) to give him a chance to get any stupid out before our ride. He got a little sassy right off, but then settled into work without fuss. We ended quickly with some cookies, then he hung out while I threw rails on top of the gates set on the left diagonal as a two stride and added a square oxer on the other diagonal.

me: here, bobby. let me take a picture of what i tank you look like right now, and so
cute with your braids still in.
bobby: hurh durhhhh no.

He was very good warming up and we moved on pretty quickly to the line. He steeplechased his way through the first time, and to try to avoid a repeat to the oxer, I really half halted him on approach.

Only then I didn't add any leg to back my half halt up and he slammed on the brakes right in front of the fence. He fortunately wasn't the least bit upset about it, instead calmly backing up and circling around like, "Did you learn your lesson there, lady? You say whoa with no go and I'll whoa like a mother fucker."

Lesson learned indeed, and I closed my leg when asking him not to race over it like an asshole the next time around which he did just fine.

The line though was another matter. I finally made him stuff three strides in there to prove a point, and we came into the first jump at the trot from there on out. That got his brain sorted and we had good jumps in and out.

Since he got with the program so quickly, I put everything up two holes to make each jump about 3'3".

christmas fell into the water bucket. 

J poked her head in as I was getting Bobby going again and asked if I wanted her to turn the arena lights on since it was getting dark. I told her I was only going to take him through once and we'd be done if he was good. That probably should have been the kiss of death right there, and then she stuck around to watch in case he wasn't good and I did need her to flip the lights on. That also should have fucked us up because I get super nervous when people watch me jump, but I forced myself to focus on getting a good canter and off we went.

Bobby was perfect all the way through all three fences. We had a bit of a right drift on the out jump, but that's nothing new. We came around to the oxer so easily forward that I saw my spot the second we turned in. I softened my hands, sat up, and let Bobby carry us up to the jump. He took it right out of stride, putting in a big jump for funsies, and cantered off just as easily.

I could tell he was super happy to actually be asked to jump something of height again, and he was very proud of himself when I pulled him up. It was exactly the ride I needed from him that day.

me: bobby! show everyone what a fit hulk monster you are!
bobby: hurrrrrhhhhhh wut r legs?

I gave him Tuesday off before going out on Wednesday for a dressage ride. In the spirit of finding good things about bad rides, let me start by point a few things out.

I was able to switch Mr Tappy from hand to hand without him giving me any attitude or even so much as twitching an ear. He just kept on marching along on the bit waiting for the next thing.

I have also consistently discovered how to sit his trot lengthening finally! I'm sure it mostly has to do with him actually lifting his back while doing it instead of jolting me into the stratosphere, but my flabby core is also getting much stronger. Sitting trot it so easy now.

the braids finally came out too. womp womp.

In the spirit of being transparent and sharing the bad with the good on this blog, I'll also point out that we spent the last twenty minutes of our ride crashing into BM (only once, and we almost got crashed into by her once when the horse she was on tried imitating Bobby's antics. Sorry, Finn. There is only one Bobby, and no one goes sideways and backwards simultaneously quite like him.), the wall, and the support beams.

Why the theatrics?

Oh, you know. Because I asked him to bend around my inside leg at the trot on a circle.

Bobby was all, "BUT LOOK AT MY HAUNCHES!!! LOOK WHAT THEY DO!! THEY'RE OVER HERE! NOW THEY'RE OVER THERE! DON'T YOU WANT MY HAUNCHES TO MOVE?! LOOK HOW FAST THEY'RE MOVING!!!"

And I was all, "Inside bend, inside bend, lalalala, ignoring everything but inside bend."

So then Bobby was like, "YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CIRCLES. I'M SO STRAIGHT!! STRAIGHT AS A BOARD!!! IF YOU DON'T WANT MY HAUNCHES TO MOVE OVER THERE AND OVER HERE, NOTHING IN MY WHOLE BODY MOVES!!! I'M SIDE PASSING ALONG THE WHOLE LONG SIDE, AND I'M GOING TO SLAM MY ASS INTO EVERY BEAM AS I GO AND IT'S GOING TO UPSET ME BUT I WON'T STOP DOING IT I'M SO UPSET MY HAUNCHES ARE DOING THINGS WHY AREN'T YOU BEING UPSET WITH ME I'LL BE UPSET ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Until finally he gave me one single circle with proper bend and the second he finished it I hopped off and shoved cookies down his throat.

Melodrama.

We have it.

t shirt selfie with a sweaty nut bag in december.
yay warm weather!

I told BM to put him on the list for the chiro so I can at least cross that off the list of reasons why bending right has suddenly eluded us, and he'll get adjusted Friday.

However, I put in a light dressage ride today with more of an emphasis on the canter--specifically coming to a trot at X and holding it to either A/C or when we hit the wall again instead of one step and back to the opposite lead. That took some work, but it got done.

Every time Bobby started to overreact to something stupid, I'd give him a single sharp correction that would jolt him from his shit and then give him a scratch once he tuned in and thought about doing what I was asking. That seemed to work really well for him, and while he had several naughty moments, they never escalated into anything more than that.

PLUS, what did we have?

Right bend. At the trot. On a circle. Sometimes with stretch, sometimes with more contact.

He tried to get tense and curl under the first time I asked, but I kicked him forward into a big trot which changed his focus, gave him a scratch, casually turned in on the circle while telling him he was a good boy, and then continuing on straight onto a completely different exercise. Ho hum. Bending on a circle is no big thing, Bobby.

I was very proud of him for keeping his brain in his head today, and he got to cool out on the trails and lazily hop over some cross country jumps to celebrate.

Blog Hops: Christmas List

Thanks to Alanna and Karley for blog hops that let everyone share all the useless horse shit we probably don't need but really, really want.

Most of my items are linked from SmartPak simply because I keep a running wish list there for whenever my mom wants to poke her head in. That pretty much happens....never, but of all the horse websites, she does know how to navigate that particular one.

"What do you want for Christmas?"
"Funny you should ask. LOOK AT ALL THESE THINGS I'VE PRESELECTED FOR YOU. You're welcome!"

So what are Bobby and I asking for this year (better known as this spring when I'll actually probably end up buying most of these)?

Custom helmet cover: My black cover that came with my helmet is getting pretty bleached out and gross, plus there's never a reason to not buy something more in purple. Probably should just buy a new helmet to go with it, too.

total saddle fit

Girths: I've never liked my dressage girth and my jumping girth is starting to look janky. Both probably need to be replaced with swanky Total Saddle Fit girths. Neither probably will.

rwr no knot hairnet

Hair net: A real grown up one that actually keeps my hair in place. I'm not ruling another hunter show or two out next year, but it's mostly for dressage.

lettia coolmax proseries dressage pad

Moar dressage pads: Ones with color! Preferably the purple color!

Moar breeches: Because I only have two pairs for schooling. Obviously that's a crime against breech-dom that needs to be rectified post haste.

tekna fancy stitched open front boots

Open front boots: Since Bobby killed the velcro on one of his by crashing into a cross country jump. Such a clever horse.

Sport boots: Since Bobby killed two of his by thrashing about for no reason.

tipperary eventer pro

Tipperary Eventer Pro Vest: Not going to happen this year or the next few years, but ooh they are so pretty and I covet them.

Electric for my truck: So that my trailer lights work on the daily. You know, little things like that.

November Review, December Goals

Better late than never!

November Review:

1. Fitness for real. So much trotting and cantering in and out of the ring. The awesome weather last month that's carried over into this month made this a really easy, fun goal.

2. No stirrup work. Every ride in the jump saddle the stirrups were crossed at least half the time. I keep at this every single time I'm in my jump tack so it wasn't quite as woefully painful as it could have been.

i didn't label the months this time. use your smarts.

nope. even with hubby's help he still looks like a big, awkward mule beast.

December Goals:

1. Bend on a circle both ways. Oh, you know. Just one of those rudimentary things Bobby no longer seems capable of.

2. One lesson with BM. I need and want a lesson. I'm hopeful I can get the money around for BM.

3. Lose the 'tude. Let's be a pleasant fellow, huh Bobby? I'd like him to start carrying less tension through the back after being asked to do something hard. He needs to move on quicker from what gets him upset.

4. Mr Tappy. He gets to go for a ride all the time! And it's never going to be an issue ever again. Right, Bobby?!

5. Jump once a week. I don't want to get so sucked down the dressage "fix everything on the flat all the time!" tunnel that we completely push jumping to the side. Too many days between jump schools makes for a crazy britches.

6. Do something fun once a week. Whether it's just finishing out the ride or an entire day devoted to it, I need to lighten up and enjoy my horse a bit more. Even if sometimes I hate him.

Lots to work on this month which is perfect. I need some focus in my life.

3rd Annual Deck the Bobby Christmas Pictures

I'm much too lazy to link up to the last two years, but that's okay. You can still marvel at the glory of this year's Christmas outfit! I didn't have a set plan on what I wanted to do this year until I was at the grocery store with my mom over Thanksgiving. We passed through the holiday aisle on our search for something else and I spotted these giant silver bells. I didn't even know what I was going to do with them, but they had Bobby written all over them.

A couple days later, we were wandering through the Christmas section at Menards on Black Friday looking for lights, and I started random piling things into the cart that I thought were festive. So this year's pictures evolved into a simple "FUCK YES CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!!!!!!!" theme.

elliott and quinn wanted in on the christmas spirit.
or they just wanted to know why bobby was jangling so much. 

Saturday morning I went out to the barn by myself first thing to braid Bobby's mane while Hubby was hunting. Hubby is patient and tolerant, and I braid quickly, but asking him to stand there while I did it seemed like a bit of overkill.

As I was setting up my stool and braiding shit, BM walked into the barn and called down from the other end of the aisle, "You haven't done it yet, have you? Did I miss it?!" And that is how I know I ended up at the right barn. The main concern for everyone at my barn in PA was that I was never going to find another place that embraced my crazy--aka my need to dress my horse up in outfits all the time.

We plunked a Santa hat down on the barn cat and I got to work. This barn embraces my crazy just fine.

ears go up for candy dispensing. 

I chucked Bobby outside in his Hello Kitty sleazy for a couple hours until Hubby and I came back to begin the decorating process. I had silver and red bows for his braids, bigger bows for his breast plate, ornaments to dangle of his running martingale, and my giant bells. I wasn't entirely sure what to do with the bells when it came down to it. I finally just draped them over his beck and called it good.

glorious.

At this point, one of the older ladies that boards at the barn walked by on the way to call the vet for her pus-eyed horse (So gross, but ended up just being a teeny scratch.) and stopped to admire my pile of giant crap spread across the aisle.

"Is that to decorate his stall?"
"No, N. That's to decorate him."
"Best idea ever! He's going to look so handsome! But what are you going to wear?"

Well, supportive barn mate that also readily embraces the crazy, I picked up an ugly-ish sweater and a Santa hat of my own. I grabbed my glittery wreath and carefully climbed aboard.

he so wanted to sample the fake sparkly apples.

Since there's been no snow so far this season, we hiked out back to the pond to pose on the bridge where we could at least avoid getting pictures in the mud. Bobby was, as always, supremely difficult to pose with his ears up. They might be up in all the ones I'm posting, but for every one photo of them forward, there are thirty with them flopped sideways or backwards.

forcefully trying to get them up for a head-on picture. didn't happen.
and no, bobby is not sad about his plight. this is bobby's every day expression. 

watching horses race around.

Without a doubt, these were the classiest Christmas pictures we've done. In fact, his braided-in bows looked so fucking fabulous, I left them in.

"hullo. please give me those snacks." 

they even survived turnout.

and went for a trail ride.

So there you have it. Christmas 2015 in the books. Here's hoping his bows stay in forever and ever!

so handsome. 

Hard.

The inner workings of Bobby's brain sometimes get the best of me. After all our years together, and through all the different things we've done, I feel like most of the time I have a fairly good grasp of what's going on with him and how to get, if not the best, than at least the most he's capable of giving that day out of him.

It's hard work. Bobby is not an easy horse, and while I get uncomfortable giving myself praise of any sort, I know that if he looks like he's being a pleasure to ride, it's because of considerable skill on my part. This past week, however, I've felt like I'm slowly getting dragged down into the pits of despair by my horse.

Trainer is now in a position where health-wise, she's not going to be able to give lessons anymore. BM and I knew this was coming, though of course we were hopeful that we'd get to spend so much more time with her. She's without a doubt been the biggest influence on my riding, even through such a short amount of time that I got to work with her.

After a couple difficult rides in a row where I felt like I couldn't grasp even the most basic of concepts (How do I get my horse to fill the left rein?! I know I know how to do this, but my brain cannot brain right now and make it happen.), all I wanted was a lesson to get yelled at. Hearing that news instead, I took all of the mistakes I'd made this past week and every twitch Bobby did that wasn't asked for to heart and let it really get to me.

I feel like we're going to get stagnant, to get stuck where we are and never progress, and I want so badly to be past that point. Or even worse, we're going to slide backwards and undo all the work Trainer has done. I will try to take lessons with BM when I can, but she's more than three times as expensive as Trainer.

"my hay wasn't put out here before i was.
BRING IT TO ME."

Bobby missed two days of turnout due to the weather and the barn trying to eliminate the build up of mud. I rode him both of those days, so he did get out of his stall, but they weren't the best rides. I ended up getting off after fifteen minutes or so yesterday because he was throwing himself into the wall when I asked him to do a canter transition that didn't involve flinging the front half of his body skyward and shooting off upon landing.

I know. So cruel of me.

I put him on the longe instead, and while initially I tried to get him to maintain a chill trot, I quit engaging with him period. He simply wouldn't settle down and listen to me. I ended up standing still and letting him canter laps around me while I played on my phone. When he was too exhausted to canter, he brought himself back to the trot and trotted until he was too tired to even do that. I let him come in, gave him a pat, and put him away.

We'll officially call that one a write off day.

free flowing forehead sweat.

thank god for a fresh clip.

We're at a point in our training where he's being asked to take the next step forward. It's hard work, and Bobby doesn't like hard. I have to make every step super repetitive and easy so that when I do ask for a little more, he doesn't even notice I've done it.

He's such a dopey, polite boy on the ground that it gets lost on most people just how sensitive to things he is. He very much takes not getting things right to heart, and he has a hard time moving on when you correct him and tell him what he's doing isn't what you're asking for.

For example, he's mastered bringing his haunches in and out and crossing over with his hind legs to the point where that's easy for him. Now whenever I shift my weight, he thinks that's what I want him to do. If, instead, I'm asking for a leg yield, he has a mini meltdown before doing the leg yield on the next pass. If the pass after that I want to just go straight, his mind is thoroughly blown.

Letting go and moving on are not his strong points.

I feel like all of my rides for the past couple weeks have been about getting him to relax his back and let go of all his tension. I'd like to move on from that and do some real homework. I know that in the long run, knowing all these different tricks to manage the tension is going to pay off when we get to a show and run into the same problem, but it's a little discouraging at times.

i longed before today's ride and got all the bronc stuff out pronto so we could go like this.

I'd like to just bring out a pleasant horse one day, have an easy ride where he shows off everything he knows without making a huge pissy fuss about it, and then call it quits. Maybe I'm being too much of a defeatist. It's hard to look past the journey of getting to that point when you're solidly aboard the "This shit is fucking hard" train. We have to put in the time, do our homework, and keep crawling forward like we always do.

Instead of crying about it (definitely cried about it), I need to make a game plan, set some realistic if boring goals, suck it up, and get back to work.

There's lots of positive to pick out of these rides if I try. He's gotten better with me carrying the whip, and even let me brush it against his butt with only a minor meltdown before remembering that when it did such scary things, he was being asked to lengthen. And when he did lengthen? For the first time ever, I was able to sit it, and it was oh so easy.

Small wins. It's what we're all about here.

stank eye.

Heard around the barn

Horse people are nut cases, that's a fact that can't be disputed. I moved to this barn and have stayed because I love the atmosphere here. Everyone is friendly and outgoing, and since my social life is the barn, that's a huge thing for me.

so naked and sporty.

When I was there this morning, BM was holding horses for the farrier, I was riding with another woman, and there were two electricians in and out installing lights. So many funny-to-horse-people-only things were flying around in conversations I couldn't help but share some of them.

Walking by Bobby in the aisleway: Your horse looks like a gorilla when he's clipped.

Saying hello to a boarder with her head buried in her trunk: I knew it was you because all I saw out of the corner of my eye was purple.

The new boarder updating BM on how her horse is doing in turnout: He's out there making out with Luka.

BM holding a psycho Thoroughbred for Farrier: Last time we trimmed him, I didn't make eye contact with him because I think he knows I hate him.

Farrier after psycho Thoroughbred got trimmed without maiming anyone: GOOD BOYYYY!!! It's a Christmas miracle!

Boarder N recapping her ride for BM who will put a training ride on her horse tomorrow: He's going to be so crappy for you. I rode like crap so he had no other choice than to go like crap.

If you guys have any one liners or hilarious stories from your own barns, please share!

tapped with mr tappy and not sure he's still alive.

Welcome back, black stallion.

I have returned! Really I got back to New York Sunday night and went to see my horse on Monday, but I didn't have time to write about that first ride back. I was too busy unpacking all my Christmas lights and then feeling sad I didn't have enough to decorate the house the way I wanted to. That would involve about fifty more boxes of lights which seemed slightly outlandish. Going to put that on hold until next year, but it will be done.

Look out, neighbors. We are going to light the entire block next year!

FUCK YES, CHRISTMAS!!!!

puppies celebrate decorating the tree at my mom's.

I usually do my goals on the first of the month, but my mule beast has been such a tool about standing not looking like a mule beast for conformation pictures when I have no one to hold him that I decided to wait until this weekend to have Hubby help.

Plus that will give me time to actually come up with real goals.

Right. Goals. Focus. Not getting distracted by how nice the weather has been and spend every ride outside on the trails.

Anyway, the report from BM when I got back was good. Bobby didn't maim himself and only half assed tried to kill people by going "airborne while leading across the driveway." Bobbys do what Bobbys want, it can't be helped.

bobby's destroy their boots by stepping on themselves
while violently flailing about like colossal assholes.

I went to get him out of the paddock once I'd dropped off my SmartPak and filled my pockets with cookies. His turn out buddy, who is a grouchy old fuck face that hates everyone, saw me coming and walked over to get caught (we had a go-round when they first started going out together about not running away and trying to kick me...) and get his candy (...which was solved through food bribery.).

My horse, my partner in all athletic endeavors, the one who carries me fearlessly over giant cross country jumps and is brave AF in all new situations because we have each other's backs, stood there like a giant donkey and refused to budge even though he hadn't seen me in a week.

 Pretty sure he loves me.

Pretty sure that's just a minute and a half video showing how telescopic my horse's giant fucking ears are.

We went right out onto the trails because I knew he was going to be stupid, and I didn't want to fight about it in the ring. He was very stupid. He spent the whole ride jigging, llama-ing, and snorting when not actively spooking at things. Of course, the one time we came across something genuinely spooky--a brand new ground blind tucked into a bend in the trail--he turned an ear towards it before continuing to trot by without another look.

And then went flying sideways five steps later when a leaf blew into his face.

i'm not saying he's the smartest horse in the world,
but i dare you to show me another.

I let him do his thing and be an idiot. He hadn't been ridden in a week, and honestly, Bobby spooking isn't really all that impressive. He gets to have fun and be a fruit cake every now and then.

We finally made it into the indoor to finish the ride. He had a hump in his back and was taking short, quick steps at the trot, but once he got to blow around at the canter--and BM, who had been walking back and forth teaching a lesson, took cover behind a jump--his trot was much more relaxed and swinging.

look how giant this carrot is.
LOOK AT IT.

This morning I got there bright and early knowing I was going to have to dig out ye olde clippers again.

Again, I said.

This was the fourth time since October that he's been clipped. It's like he's willing winter to come by instantly growing back a full coat in under a week. Enjoy the fifty degree weather, dude. I don't get the rush.

To combat this absurdity, I pulled out my blades I reserve for his final spring clip where we're getting ready to compete. I took him down to soft, glossy skin.

actually he was dusty as shit and now looks like a zebra, but i was so annoyed at having
to clip him again that i didn't even care. he'll just grow it all back by tomorrow.

We took advantage of the jumps set up in the ring for our ride. There were two gates that I put a pole over to make 3' and I made a big X. His flat work warming up was heavy and resistant, but I eventually got him going around pretty respectably and we began.

The first jump over one of the verticals was good, and so was the next one. After that, he started building speed as he went. When he takes over and goes, he gets a great distance every time, but it's a flat, ugly jump. He's like a steeplechaser which is really not what we're going for in stadium.

bobby's mantra.

I've felt like such a boss trainer/responsible rider these past couple months. I've really worked on pushing Bobby for more correct work and not letting the stupid shit he does slide by. Today was no different. Instead of doing a few more jumps where he was fast and flat and not listening but getting a good distance and quitting, I broke down each jump into its own game plan.

For the vertical on the diagonal off the left lead, we were able to canter up to it. I gave him several really strong half halts with my shoulders and held to the base to make sure he did the same instead of giving up and letting him take over the last few strides. In response, he kept a collected, sane canter and gave me a really good jump every time.

For the vertical on the straight away off the right lead, the canter wasn't happening. Instead, I brought him back to the trot and made him listen that way. Trotting jumps has been harder for me in the past, but we were gelling this time around and once again we made it to the base every time to get a really good jump out.

The X on the other diagonal was just as easy after doing those two big jumps first. He trotted calmly in and cantered calmly away. Good, britches.

naked britches hates his life.

We finished with some really good, uphill trot work before I once again blanketed the shit out of him and chucked him outside in the rain.

And Mr Tappy? He was along for the ride on Monday and kept getting switched from hand to hand. Robert didn't give him a second thought our entire ride.