Tuesday, April 4, 2017

My Horse is Perfect: A Poem

My Horse is Perfect

My horse has perfect ground manners
He doesn't cross tie
And you shouldn't walk behind him because he'll kick you
Don't clip him unless you Ace him
Don't Ace him unless you twitch him
He doesn't like needles

My horse is perfect to trail ride
He's afraid to lead
But don't leave him behind
He can't go out by himself
But he hates groups
He won't cross water
And he doesn't know how to walk without jigging

My horse is perfect at shows
He just needs his own separate warm up area
And don't crowd him in the ring
That's what all those ribbons in his tail are for
It's your fault your horse got kicked
He should have won that class
He got on the trailer this time after all

My horse is the perfect turnout partner
Don't let him go out with that horse though or he'll rip its blankets
And he can't go out with that horse because they won't stop biting
I think that one is the one that almost broke his leg last year
He didn't deserve it though I'm sure
Because my horse is perfect

Dedicated to That Person in every barn.

25 comments:

  1. LOL!! Oh my word this is absolutely brilliant!

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    Replies
    1. If only dealing with That Person was fun!

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  2. if you can't think of who 'that person' is in the barn... does that mean you ARE 'that person'?? #asking4afriend

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  3. Carly this poem is
    So perfect the world cannot
    Even understand

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    Replies
    1. Ooh, I should have made it into haikus instead! Missed opportunity!

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  4. Replies
    1. #butpookieisperfect #bitchplease

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  5. Hahaha!!! I remember that person. So glad we decided never to allow boarders and I have my own barn lol

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    Replies
    1. Oh god yes, never do it! Bitches be cray!

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  6. Replies
    1. It had to be said...even if just poetically!

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    2. Bahahahaha, I needed that! Just yes.

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  7. Replies
    1. Hopefully your new horse is none of these things! :P

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  8. You should definitely submit this to a magazine or something. Maybe the Chronicle?

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    Replies
    1. I'd be afraid That Person would take unnecessary offense. ;)

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If you can't say anything nice, fuck off.