I think I've finally overdosed on dressage. Or at the very least overdosed on thinking about show season and if I've made the right choices in my entries so far. Last night I had my first dressage dream, and it was just as absurd as you might think.
I was on a team of four people I didn't know. We were milling around in some holding area that was basically a hostel (camp cots, etc) behind the show ring and trying to figure out order of go for our team. I called dibs on going third, but as my turn rolled around another girl went in before me.
I was annoyed, but stayed outside the ring to watch her test. Within seconds she was at the far end of the ring setting up some collage of magazine pictures in the sand. Ugh, what the fuck. I must have missed that memo. So now I'm scrambling around to cut out magazine buzz words and inspiring pictures to make my own collage.
Next thing I know I'm in the ring and Alex Guarnaschelli (I probably watch way too much Chopped) is yelling at me, "I can't believe you forgot the tomato pesto!" Now I'm scavenging around for fresh fucking herbs to make my tomato pesto which needs to be smeared on the sandwiches I have to bury under a smoldering fire at E.
I get down to my collage building next, and all I can think is, ""This is so fucking stupid. I'm going to have to call the show secretary for my next show and do 2-1 instead of 2-2 like I'm signed up for. This test is just ridiculous."
My next test was what I thought was 2-3. I come in, halt at X, and immediately the male judge at E is reaming me for not having my horse collected enough. Meanwhile Dream Bobby is standing there like a fucking carousel horse, his head and neck practically sprouting from his withers, and I'm just like, whatever.
We start the test and right off the bat the bell rings for going off course. The judge is like, "Continue straight at walk....?" No, I have no idea. Why? Because surprise! I actually signed up for 3-3! The judge starts reeling off movements, pausing after each one to see if it sparks something in me. No, it doesn't. I've never looked at a 3-3 test in my life.
At which point I wake up and think about taking up something less exciting. Like fishing. Or basket weaving.