Wednesday, September 2, 2015

An Open Letter to Horse People

Dear Horse People,

What is it with you? Why is it you feel the need to voice your opinion on everything?

LITERALLY EVERYTHING.


Let me dole out advice about your riding, your horse, you horse's rehab program, your tack, your trainer, your lack of trainer, your barn, the underwear you chose to ride in today.

That bit is too harsh. Why aren't you using a french link? That nut cracker action is abuse. Are you riding with only one rein? Two reins! TWO REINS ALWAYS!!!!

Are those side reins? I hope you only had them on for approximately .02 seconds. Really, you shouldn't be longeing your horse at all. It is so bad for your horse's joints, and really, it does nothing anyway.

WAIT.

Your horse was feeling fresh? Why didn't you longe her first? Don't upset Precious Pookie by riding her down. Do you know how bad that is for her joints?

Are those draw reins? There is never a place for draw reins. Be right back. I have to go call PETA.

P.S. If those aren't (insert current trendiest brand) breeches, I am judging you. Also, even though those are (insert current trendiest brand) breeches, all they're doing is showing that you're too heavy to ride your horse. Adding that to my PETA complaint.

You can call it expressing your opinion, and clearly that gives you a pass. But there's telling someone what you think, and then there's just being rude. Listen, if you have something to say and there's this little nagging feeling in the back of your mind like maybe that person will be vastly offended, hurt, or insulted (Do you get that feeling? Maybe that's the problem here.), try just nodding and smiling instead. We are horse people. We are plenty. Turn to your left and vent to the equally as gossipy and opinionated person there if you really must. Be petty among yourselves. That's what texting is for. Don't make it a game to bring everyone around you down.


If no one is being put in danger, if that single jointed loose ring with no rubber bit guards is not about to rip apart the corner of the horse's mouth, or that rider's perfectly serviceable Troxel isn't actually making your eyes bleed because it's not a custom (insert current trendiest brand) helmet, or--God forbid--someone is doing Natural Horsemanship but the horse doesn't actually appear distressed in any way, try this tactic instead:

Shut the fuck up.

Or this one: Have some fucking tact.

Or even: Try being nice to people.

Not everyone appreciates that you were "just trying to point something out."


There are horse people that live with the mindset of, "I KNOW THIS AND I KNOW YOU KNOW IT TOO BUT I'M NOT GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT BECAUSE I KNOW THIS BETTER LET ME KEEP TELLING YOU HOW MUCH I KNOW ABOUT THIS."

I think it's great when horse people offer advice, when they're able to give really helpful, inspiring words of encouragement. I don't think it's so great when horse people completely disregard a person's feelings just so said horse person can express their own.

No apologies for this rant. Everyone stop being such bitches.

Love,

Carly

41 comments:

  1. YASSSS! You win at life. You just win. This is amazing.

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  2. THIS. This times 1,000,000 times infinity. PREACH ON.

    Basically, I LOVE THIS POST.

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  3. Yes please let's all stop being bitches haha rock on Carly

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  4. Your underwear is dirty *runs away*

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  5. "Be petty among yourselves. That's what texting is for."

    This is a true statement.

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  6. But... I like being a bitch ... how will I pass my time?!?!

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  7. And once again, you win the internet. *applauds*

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  8. AMEN! Real life horse people and the idiots on Facebook pages. All bitches.

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  9. Feeling like the lone extremely lucky person with zero bitch factor at my barn! Also, that cat pic is hilarious.

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  10. I get so tired of horse gossip that I basically just don't hang out much with horse people anymore. It's sad :(

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  11. I'm sorry, we can't talk because you don't own any Animo. I mean I don't either, but still...

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  12. Slow clap for the awesomest post evah! My barn is in the midst of a meltdown right now. So much so that the BM called a barn meeting for monday and said (and I quote) "someone will most likely be leaving the farm".

    It's like Survivor: Equestrian Edition. Who will be voted off this week???

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  13. I dunno. I'm a pretty confirmed bitch. But I also tend to bitch to myself/friends. I don't walk over to others and insert myself in their lives. Tomorrow's post will be an example of me totally inserting my bitchy self into someone else's life though. Sorry, not sorry.
    On a more serious note, the lack of drama is why I love my barn. I'm probably the best dressed person there and I'm covered in slobber/poop stains, so there's really none of that elitist shit.

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  14. Hubs worked at the tack store. Hubs realized that horse people are freaking NUTZ and kind of horrible and gosspiy and mean. Some were great. But most were awful. Too bad they couldn't post this sign there. Or anywhere there are horses.

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  15. But I'm really trying to make home-dyed breeches a thing and if y'all stop acting like trends matter, it'll never happen. :|

    I think you should write a book. Like maybe a snarky training book. Like Denny, but with more profanity.

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  16. A round of "Huzzah" for you m'lady.

    There are few horsepeople that I can be around without wanting to peel the skin off my face.

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  17. This might be my favorite blog post ever :)

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  18. Lolz, so true. When you put it all out on the internet, your gonna find some trolls and keyboard heros. There's always gonna be some drama at a barn. Especially if you mix disciplines.

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  19. Amen! My motto for life: People suck. Sad truth....

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  20. Sadly there is no cure from the side effects of too much equestrogen™...

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  21. Yes! I find it's not confined to the equestrian world though. People are just far to judgmental.

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  22. love the sad cat haha. oh and everything else. esp 'try this tactic instead: stfu' -- perfect lol.

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  23. It's like they think that being a bitch is part of their trendiness. I wonder when shutting the hell up and minding one's own damn business will become fashionable. Probably never, but there's no harm in dreaming.

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  24. OMG! This.

    I seriously freak out a little sometimes because I feel like I am being judged for my Tipperary Helmet (I have a weird head and it was literally the only thing that fit that wasn't a gillion dollars) and my okay tack and my one set of galloping boots etc. But yea, what is that saying about opinions??? It takes so much less energy to be kind than to be bitchy.

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  25. Amen sister! I recently left a forums that I had been on for forever due to some cyber bullying . Tack would never be good enough, trainer would never be good enough (but going without was just as terrible), and OMG lunging in side reins. I thought a few people were going to have aneurysms over that. I finally just threw my hands up in the air and walked away. I do miss posting on there from time to time, but the lack of stressing over what people were saying that I would never meet in real life is just fine by me.

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If you can't say anything nice, fuck off.