Monday, July 22, 2013

Reunion of Madness

Saturday's family reunion did not disappoint.

Late arrivals? Check.

Useless, self-centered, no-longer-pregnant-but-life-is-still-so-hard-for-me in-laws? Check.

Complete lack of communication and organization? Check.

Intense need to punch someone in the face? Oh, fuck. Double check.

at least there were pretty water falls.


The original plan had been for people to start arriving to help with set up at 9:30. That meant that Hubby and I showed up at 10. We set our stuff up in the empty pavilion, waited around for ten minutes, and drove up to Hubby's family's campsite. We finally got them wrangled down there around 10:30, unloaded their copious amounts of shit, and set up by ourselves because they hadn't even eaten breakfast yet.

Around 1, the guy that apparently has to do the grilling had just showed up and the charcoal wasn't even going yet. Since we left our dogs in the house, and it didn't look like things were going to start picking up any time soon, we drove back home and returned around 1:30 with them. They had just finished grilling. 9:30 what?

This was the theme for the whole day. This, and "Oh em gee, I have a baby now. Hold it! Feed it! Take its picture! Tell me how wonderful it is!" Hubby likes kids. I hate babies. Sorry, babies, but I hate you. Hubby's mom was all, "Get in the picture with It and Hubby!" and I was all, "Step the fuck off. Get that thing away from me."

yeah right, hubby. never happening. ever.
And while we're on the subject of this baby, obviously its name is not It. It's Grahm. "Hold on," you say. "You've spelled that wrong." No. No. Sadly no. It's mom is just that clever.

To escape the majority of Hubby's extended family, we went on a five mile hike. I was feeling like a beast jetting up the sides of waterfalls on "stairs". My 100 squats a day have really made my legs stronger--at least if I have to climb waterfalls. It's debatable how much stronger they are in my saddle.

We got back around 5:30 and agreed as a group that we'd leave no later than 6:15 for the rodeo. That translated to missing dinner (as if they'd have dinner going by then), and of course not leaving until 6:45. Hubby's family is so incapable of doing anything on time that I literally feel like shaking people. And then leaving them behind.


We made it to the rodeo at the exact minute it started and got lucky to find enough seating to fit six people. We watched the opening ceremonies, watched a saddle bronc rider get hung up and clobbered in the back of the head (he was down for about five minutes, but got back on later that night for a bull ride--with a helmet on), and watched the steer wrestling before the first of the horrible intermission acts.

dude that got wrecked.



I attempted to watch this nonsense of a "Native American" performer and his two paint horses go at liberty. Instead, I went to get milkshakes and funnel cake. This guy's training was horrible. His horses weren't paying attention to him, they didn't look happy with their jobs, and his spanish walk was accomplished by smacking his horse under the chin while simultaneously yanking on his reins. It was awful to watch. 

at liberty/led in with chains over their noses. 
We ended the night watching NF kill it on his harmonica with his band that was playing at the rodeo that night. Who knew NF was such a bad ass? He was amazing!

the frank wicher band--awesome!

Sunday, we were forced back to the state park for more bonding time. I ended up with really classy tank top and bikini halter top tan lines. Unfortunately, my legs didn't get the tanning message. You could put those albino inspired appendages on the sun and they wouldn't even turn pink. I think it's a sign from the gods that I was meant to be an equestrian. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

Hubby and I somehow managed to keep his smaller immediate family on track and after lunch, a swim, and icecream, we gave them a brief tour of our house and sent them on their way. The only problem was that I forgot to ask Hubby's brother for the GVRDC show pictures. Grr. They were within my grasp! Hopefully, since it's been over a month, my constant nagging will produce them before too long. 

Overall? Could have been worse. But keep in mind that I have four days of vacation with them in NY this weekend. Um, yay?

18 comments:

  1. Lol, I have seen worse baby names, but that's going to be one of those burdens the kid carries with him,like so many misspelled 'modern' names. At least you were around horses.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am 100% with you about the babies.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha! So funny - sorry for you though! I'm intrigued - does Mom say why she thought it was a good idea to misspell her kid's name? I always wonder about people who do ridiculous things like that...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, I haven't had the courage to ask her. I have a feeling she doesn't even know it's wrong.

      Delete
  4. I don't know why everyone thinks it is funny to hand me a baby. They think it is great to hand me one, then laugh and laugh and all gather around to see me, completely uncomfortable sitting there in the most un-natural pose ever. They take pictures and say "oh it's not that bad is it?!" Yes. Yes it is that bad. Please remove this from my arms. But the moment I see a baby kitten or puppy "OH EM GEE!! LET ME SNUGGLE IT!"...Babies are creepy...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I literally ran away when they even tried to pose me next to it. You just need to formulate a good escape plan as soon as you see one.

      Delete
    2. I tried to hold an "adult beverage" in my hand hoping they would think I wasn't fit to hold a baby...that failed, they ripped it out of my hand and gave me the baby...I mean seriously? Who does that?
      My dogs don't like babies...maybe I will hold them next time..."ohh sorry I can't hold her, I need to hold back these vicious baby eating Cocker Spaniels! sorry!"

      Delete
  5. Whyyyy do people have family reunions? I have never understood.

    And yes, all babies referred to as 'it' until they reach intelligent speaking age.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hell-oooo!!! I tried to get an answer from Hubby, but he was all, "Unghgjhsfk" and other such unintelligible things.

      Delete
  6. 100 squats a day?!

    Too bad about that "native american" performer. Maybe if you and Bobby need some extra cash you could make a routine and audition. Floppy ear, unicorn magic.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I just drop babies when they are handed to me :) Also I love you this is family reunions for me that aren't my family either, and so I just stopped going, I refuse to play in the sandbox.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Step the fuck off. Get that thing away from me."

    ^ probably what i'll have engraved in my tombstone. You're my hero.

    ReplyDelete
  9. THAT INDIAN GUY was the SAME guy at the rodeo I watched. Identical horses and all. He was horrible!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was thinking of you when I started watching it! I was like, "No wonder she thought rodeos are horrible! This shit IS horrible!!"

      Delete
  10. There should seriously be some form of protocol for naming (or misnaming, IMO) children. The worst i've ever seen is Female, pronounced Feh-mah-lee. Oh, so clever.

    ReplyDelete
  11. LOL yeah - no babies for me EITHER.

    4 days holiday with them? Are you crazy...I would decline that like there was no tomorrow lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have our own campsite on the opposite side of the park, and our own vehicle. Vacation "together" is hopefully going to be a loose term lol

      Delete
  12. Someone in my husband's family named their kid Zaxtin. Sounds like a prescription drug. At my age I spend my life outside of barn and work time avoiding babies and baby talk. Ick! That said, I think I have only been convinced to hold a baby once ever. I had a stroller as a kid and I put my dog in it...
    I do believe my family gave up on reunions thankfully!

    ReplyDelete

If you can't say anything nice, fuck off.