Friday, February 22, 2013


Sorry for the not G Rated title, G Rated readers. You should know what you've signed on for by now. I was at the barn for all of an hour today and for once I left totally happy and satisfied with how I spent my time. It was a complete "Fuck yeah, this is awesome" equestrian experience.

No one was at the barn when I got there and the arena was freshly watered and dragged. Fuck yeah. I dragged out a couple of jumps because Bobby and I are both sick of dressage work. Not even really dressage work, but more of indoor work which is pretty much always dressage work anyway.

2'9 oxer, something' X.
both looking decidedly smaller from a distance on top
of my giant mule.
I speed groomed and tacked Bobby in hopes that I could get on and have an entire ride without having to share the arena with people who like to invade our personal space. The only person that came in was BM. Bobby gave her the hairy eye because it was getting close to feeding time, but once he determined she was only mucking stalls, he ignored her.

We did two laps and a 20m circle in each direction of w/t/c including a flying change that was so flawless, I didn't even realize he'd switched until I looked down. Fuck yeah! (Honestly no clue where it came from. Sometimes he just owns things.)

Our first exercise was starting off on the left rein, turn in at H to go across the diagnol over the X, obviously land on the right rein, and then turn in at the centerline, jump the oxer, and turn left. Fabu-fucking-loso. Bobby was taking me to the fences for once in his life and we were totally in sync with distances. Instead of seeing a spot where my mind was like, "Oh fuck. This is going to be a chip or a long spot." I was all, "He's going to need to put more umph in his jump for this. No bigs. Still smooth as fucking butter." Fist bump, Robert. Fuck yeah.

srsly looked wider and larger in person.
We did that exercise four times before moving on to numero dos. From the left rein, come off the rail just before B, jump the X, obviously land on the right rein, circle behind the oxer (basically cut off half the ring), turn down the centerline to jump the oxer, and turn left. Bamski. Nailed it without issue again. We did it twice and I made the decision to end on a good note.

Did you read that?! I wasn't like, "Weeeelllll, I'll just do it one more time." and then want to kill my horse. I am LEARNING here, folks! Fuck yeah!

Quick summation of arena ride:
  • Bobby was instantly like, "We're working here. Let's do business." as soon as I got on and we didn't do a single giraffe or even llama impression. What.
    • He did have a totally adorable moment where he helped me open the shutters on one of the mirrors with his big seal brown nose. Too cute.
  • Flawless flying change.
  • I actually had pace to my fences which is undoubtably why they felt so ridiculously easy. Carly? Go fast? Hold the phone, I know.
  • Because the jumps were so easy, I didn't psych myself out or start overthinking things. And do you know what I pulled out of my totally random bag of tricks because of it? My auto release. My sweet, sweet auto release that disappeared with Red because I couldn't figure out how to jump Bobby. It is my best friend in the entire world and I missed it so much.
We spent a total of fifteen minutes in the arena and I was like, "Let's cap this shit off with a trail ride. Who cares if we get shot." I don't even think anything is currently in season, but I keep forgetting to ask BO.

Despite some snow down my bra (don't even ask), we had a blast. We were only out for ten minutes, all walking, and it was kind of a boring loop I took to avoid getting in anyone's shiz in case anyone was out, but there were hills! And it was outside! Fuck yeah!

We got back just as BM was graining and my usually Paw To The Center Of The Earth When You Want Something You're Not Getting horse stood patiently on the crossties as she fed around him. Good, Pony Pants!

the ladies waiting to come in.
Not only a good time at the barn, but I narrowly avoided hitting a skunk on my way home. Double fuck yeah for that shit. Nickelback briefly tried to ruin my life, but I just pushed my tape back in and was all, "Here's some poetry courtosey of Sarah McLachlan. Fuck yeah, Baba Ganoush."

Ten points if you got the Wedding Crashers reference.


  1. Good for you and Bobby - nice post!

    (I'm disappointed you didn't manage to cram a few more f-bombs in though)

  2. This post made my day. Gawd you're hilarious. Go Bobby, you superstar!

  3. lmao Nickleback...hahaha Last year my friend had to do her dressage test and Nickleback came on.. I was just like...ohhhhh so unfair!

  4. I agree with the post above... You could've slipped in a few more "F's" ^.^ Love it! Always awesome to live vicariously through other's good rides.

  5. Ten points to me. I bet the next time over the jump would have ended in you still on him three hours later trying to make it pretty

  6. Hilarious and awesome :) There are few choice words that can be nouns, verbs, adjectives are great as Fuck.

  7. Hah, I love this post! Sometimes the only way you can really describe a good day is a 'Fuck Yeah!' day :)


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