Sunday, October 14, 2012

Drama Queen

So I may or may not have had a bit of a melt down yesterday. It went something like this:

Me: I feel like I have zero motivation lately, and no goals to work towards so everything is just.... pointless.

Hubby: Didn't you just enter Burgundy in two weeks?

Me: Yeah.

Hubby: What level?

Me: Novice.

Hubby: And isn't this your first Novice?

Me: Well.... yes.

Hubby: That seems like a pretty good goal to work for.

Me: Shut up, I'm being a Drama Queen.

I started Bobby off jumping of the midget 2' vertical. He was having a bit of a "let me rush this tiny ass fence and blow through you to the right" moment (s) so I was making him trot over it and mixing up whether we were going to halt after it, or turn right, or left, or turn back around right away and do it from the other direction.

We did this over and over and over again and it was hit and miss over and over again. Over a fucking 2' jump! He can literally step over this thing. That's when I started whining big time. I didn't feel like fixing any problems. I didn't even feel like riding anymore--like, ever. But I wasn't going to waste an entire day because I was feeling like a bitch. I thought maybe it would be better if I did some of the bigger jumps.

Yeah, not.

short spot magee rides again.
After a couple of goes over just the 2'6 vertical that were beyond horrible, I was so disgusted I pulled Bobby up and started crying.

Why am I doing this? Why do I suck at riding? Why can't I ride this horse?? What am I doing wrong? Why don't I have any money for lessons? Why isn't Bobby Red? Why can't I ride this fucking horse?!

I wanted to just get off and be done for the weekend. Then I stopped crying and resigned myself to finishing with a trot over the green vertical just to say so. Then I called myself out on being a drama queen, gave myself a mental bitch slap, and went back over the fucking line.

You have a problem, self? Well guess what? It's not going to fix itself. Start using your mostly useless brain and figure it the fuck out. What's the issue here? Not going forward enough causing you to bury Bobby at the fence and him to catapult himself over. I know the last thing you want to do is add more leg coming to the fence because you don't like the catapulting sensation, but that's what you need to do to fix this. So do it.
Well, self. You chased him to get the forward four because you weren't quite forward enough coming into the first. He was a little unsure about making it, but you did ask for the four and he gave it to you. Not great, but better than before. If you get a good jump in, don't annoy him. Let him get the easy five.
I ended it there. Perfect? Psh. At least my leg wasn't swinging off to its own stratosphere. At least I didn't end on ridiculous tears.
drama llama: the human version.
Hubby and I headed home where I announced that my crappy day was only going to keep getting worse. And it did. I dropped my entire slice of pumpkin pie on the floor without getting a single bite. How is that even fair? Fuck you, Saturday.


  1. I'm sorry you had such a hard time.... but I may have giggled at the pie incident.

    Here's to better days!

  2. two things: his show name should totally be "short spot mcgee" and as someone who is their own worse enemy, the very best piece of riding advice I've ever gotten is to repeat "ride the horse you have today" over and over and over again. ps. I'm mailing Red tomorrow!

  3. We all have those days. I blame hormones. Mine usually goes, "why do I even bother? this is hard and i'm runing my horse and I can't afford to show anyways. What's the point??"

    And then I remember that this is fun. And I love my horse. And I'm a driven, OCD perfectionist who obsesses over every detail and sometimes, I just need to get on and ride. And not overthink anything.

    Preferably, on a non-hormonal day. ;-)

  4. Boo Saturday!! BUT I love pumpkin pie so hopefully you got another piece!


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