Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Butt Ventilation.

With the hot weather starting up with a vengence, I've taken some time to sit down and plot how to best keep Mr Magee and myself cool. Bobby is a heavy sweater and I feel like I literally melt when it gets too hot and I don't have a pool or large water trough to lounge about in on hand. Before I share my tricks of the delicate flower trade, I'd like everyone to take a moment to acknowledge the name of this blog: Poor Woman Showing. There will be no fancy cooling sheets or shirts. There will be no ceiling sprinklers that mist deodorizing water upon my lovely helmeted head during rides. (Speaking of--yuck! did my gloves stink today!) This blog could just as easily be called "Good God, Carly! What are you wearing?!" or "That poor, poor horse that has to be outfitted by that slum lord." But that's one too many "that"s and no one likes a blasphemous blog title.

Moving on.

I've always been amazed by people who can ride in shorts.

no helmet? shame on me. but this was last year.
I've tried this methodolgy with very little success. Even with appropriately ghetto half chaps over tennis shoes in place, I still found myself getting rubbed a bit raw.

I've tried the not-deodorizing but heavily-misting rides.

gosh, i wish my muffin top was gone now...

 I don't mind riding in the rain, but there are three major problems with going this direction:

1) As if sweaty pants weren't bad enough to peel off your sweaty ass, now you have soaking wet sweaty pants to deal with.

2) Not all of us live in areas where it readily rains. I certainly don't. This isn't upstate NY anymore.

and 3) When you fall off, as you're sure to do....well, it's even worse than usual.

i love me a good mud bath.
You can take your trusty steed swimming.

afraid of water my ass.

Not all of us have trusty steeds or adequate swimming holes though. And it comes back to the soaking wet pants or riding in shorts again.

So where does this leave us? As far as ponies go, I'm a firm believer that there's no such thing as too much spraying in the face with the hose.



What's that? Your horse isn't a complete retard hose whore like the above dumb asses fine specimens? Well, start to convert them.

But what about my poor, melting self? Where does this leave me beside slightly wet from hose spray-back? Perfectly cool on my lower half because I dug out an old pair of jeans that has a very convienent hole for my derrier. It's not noticable when I'm standing as the back pocket scrunches down and hides it, nor is it visible when I'm sitting in the saddle. That is, unless, I'm in half seat or posting. Which is just fine by me because a) I have few inhibitions, and b) I hate peeling sweaty underwear off after the half hour ride home that follows a good (or bad) ride. Air flow, baby. Air flow.

So am I advocating putting a huge hole in your jeans for your riding pleasure?

Why, yes. Yes I am.

6 comments:

  1. Hahahaha! No pic of the pants?
    I think we all are going to need tips on staying cool this summer, both horses and humans. Over 90 degrees and it is still May. . .oy!

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  2. That is why I literally wear wicking work out yoga type pants to barn in summer and ride in them. No sticking to sweaty skin, they dry super quick! But I'm ghetto like that :)

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  3. I love this post so much.

    My old method is, ride with as little clothes as possible. For some reason riding in shorts and a bikini top was never an issue for me. Lawdy.

    Now though, I'm surrounded by prudes. So I wear yoga pants instead of breeches and side cut shirts.

    As for Yankee, he's the same as Bobby. He sweats just standing there...so I usually ride early or late. Really early or late.

    Hate summer. hate it.

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  4. I'm one of those unfortunate people (like Bobby) that seriously sweats like I weigh 600 lbs always in the summer. To make matters worse, I have an over-active right armpit sweat gland which means that before it even gets hot, I have a little sweat puddle going on there (yea, it's really cute). Oh, and my face gets instantly bright red -- so I always look like I'm going to pass out. I got a pair of paper thing devon aire riding pants in Virgina last year at a used tack shop and they are the only thing I wear all summer... They are seriously sooo thin it makes me a little nervous about how much you can actually "see". I know a bunch of people that work in shorts and throw full chaps on over to ride. I hate the idea of having dirt/hair/hay/whatever else stuck to my gross sweaty legs though!

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  5. love this post and the pictures hehe I think ill be standing under a hose pipe when i hose pipe my horse in the summer xx

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